By Carmen HonackerDo you ever wonder what you would say to yourself if you could go back in time? What kind of advice would you give yourself? Please don’t get me wrong, I’m not one of these people who drown in regret and sorrow, but there are a few things I would correct and do better.
1. Follow Your Instinct!
If it looks like a duck and quacks like one, it is a duck! You can’t rescue people, you can’t make them change, and you can’t make them better. You know what a person is about when you meet them—listen! And don’t let your head or heart get in the way, for neither can be trusted.
2. People Do Not Change!
Not for you, not for anyone. People only change if they want to, and most people never will; this is because most people cannot face the pain or do the work that is required in order to become their “higher” self. Most will prefer misery, if it is the alternative to not moving a finger and claiming victimhood.
3. It’s OK to Have High Expectations!
It’s not OK to continuously lower them for others and then start getting resentful about them not doing anything about it!
4. Not Everyone Thinks Feels and Views the World the Way You Do!
This is fine, as long as you don’t attempt to befriend or change the minds of those who are on polar opposite ends of the spectrum.
5. Never Sell Out Your Values!
It is not OK, ever, to compromise on your moral and ethical values for anyone!
6. Get Your Butt Back Into Therapy!
7. You Come First!
You are not a distant second, third or tenth behind anyone. And no, other people’s wants and needs are not always more important than yours, even though they may consistently try to tell you that. Get rid of those who are selfish!
8. You Are Enough, and You Are Worthy!
Remove those who try to convince you otherwise.
9. You Are Not Perfect and You Never Will Be!
The right people will love you unconditionally, imperfections and all.
10. You Make Your Happiness
Life can be amazing, wondrous, joyful and happy, regardless of where you came from and what you may have experienced in your past. You are the creator of your own happiness; and no, it won’t fall in your lap. Work is required and necessary, but the rewards are infinite.
Lastly, I would tell myself to remain truthful to myself, to not sell out, to stand up for myself and to set proper boundaries.
1. Follow Your Instinct!
If it looks like a duck and quacks like one, it is a duck! You can’t rescue people, you can’t make them change, and you can’t make them better. You know what a person is about when you meet them—listen! And don’t let your head or heart get in the way, for neither can be trusted.
2. People Do Not Change!
Not for you, not for anyone. People only change if they want to, and most people never will; this is because most people cannot face the pain or do the work that is required in order to become their “higher” self. Most will prefer misery, if it is the alternative to not moving a finger and claiming victimhood.
3. It’s OK to Have High Expectations!
It’s not OK to continuously lower them for others and then start getting resentful about them not doing anything about it!
4. Not Everyone Thinks Feels and Views the World the Way You Do!
This is fine, as long as you don’t attempt to befriend or change the minds of those who are on polar opposite ends of the spectrum.
5. Never Sell Out Your Values!
It is not OK, ever, to compromise on your moral and ethical values for anyone!
6. Get Your Butt Back Into Therapy!
7. You Come First!
You are not a distant second, third or tenth behind anyone. And no, other people’s wants and needs are not always more important than yours, even though they may consistently try to tell you that. Get rid of those who are selfish!
8. You Are Enough, and You Are Worthy!
Remove those who try to convince you otherwise.
9. You Are Not Perfect and You Never Will Be!
The right people will love you unconditionally, imperfections and all.
10. You Make Your Happiness
Life can be amazing, wondrous, joyful and happy, regardless of where you came from and what you may have experienced in your past. You are the creator of your own happiness; and no, it won’t fall in your lap. Work is required and necessary, but the rewards are infinite.
Lastly, I would tell myself to remain truthful to myself, to not sell out, to stand up for myself and to set proper boundaries.
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