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Tuesday, January 31, 2012

Here are the 5 things I do DAILY


Here are the 5 things I do DAILY to ensure that I am always
functioning at top speed. And no that does not mean I'm constantly
running. But it does mean that I'm maximizing the time I have each
and every day by keeping my energy levels high all day.

1. Include a healthy protein source into every one of your meals
(this includes snacks as well).


Healthy sources of protein and good fat slow down the conversion of
carbohydrates into glucose (sugar) in your blood stream, keeping
your blood sugar stable throughout the day.
 
Many times the "crash" people feel after lunch or breakfast is their
blood sugar spiking high and then "crashing" real low because they ate
a meal that was carbohydrate dense and not balanced with enough protein.

Adding in a healthy protein source like organic eggs, natural meats
or poultry, wild fish and raw nuts can ensure your blood sugar
doesn't go on a rollercoaster ride every time you eat.
 
Instead of grabbing pretzels from the vending machine in the afternoon,
go for some raw almonds and a fruit and that will keep your energy
levels sustained for the rest of the afternoon.

2. Stay hydrated all day.

Most people know they should be drinking water, but what they don't
know is that it directly affects their energy levels throughout the day.
 
Consider this: your brain is approximately 80% water.
 
Staying hydrated helps you maintain mental energy while avoiding fatigue
and headaches. Water also plays a vital role in your body's ability
to flush toxins. Organs have to work harder when you don't have
enough water, thus, causing fatigue.

3. Be cautious with caffeine intake.

I am not suggesting you completely eliminate your morning java or
your breakfast tea. But many people take their "cup of joe" and
turn it into "way too many cups of joe". Yes, caffeine will give
you a quick boost in energy, but will almost always send you
crashing just a few hours later.

Caffeinated beverages will also dehydrate your body, and
dehydration will cause you to feel fatigued (tip #2). Try to keep
your caffeine beverages to a maximum of 1-2 per day. I would also
suggest drinking those before 1pm as drinking caffeine any later
than that can disrupt your ability to fall asleep that night.

4. Beware of "white" carbs.

"White Carbs"(breads, pastas, cereals, baked goods) break down
quickly causing a fast spike in blood sugar. You'll feel a quick
rush of energy, but then a big drop...causing your energy (and your
mood) to drop along with it. Also, when too much sugar floods the
system all at once, your body can't use it all for energy and
converts it to stored fat.

While it is correct that carbs give you energy, too many carbs at
once will actually lead to fatigue and lethargy. I would highly
suggest keeping the "white carbs" to a minimum and eating
healthier, fibrous carbs like oats, quinoa, sweet potatoes and a
variety of fruits and vegetables.
 
And always be sure to eat those carbs alongside a healthy protein (tip #1).

5. Do a quick 5-minute mini-exercise circuit at any point during the day.

Yes, even a quick 5-minute exercise routine is enough to get your
blood circulating, sending more oxygen to your muscles and brain
and giving you a boost in energy. Quick bursts of exercise will
also increase your metabolism, not only helping you keep the excess
pounds off, but giving you a burst of energy as well.

If I start to feel the "afternoon energy crash", I will get up from
my office chair and do 1 minute of body weight squats, 1 minute of
pushups over my desk, 1 minute of jumping jacks, and 2 minutes of
lower and upper body stretches. It may not sound like very much,
but I assure you that in less than 5 minutes, I am "pumped" and
ready to get back to work.

Give the above 5 suggestions a try and you will see firsthand that
you do have more than enough hours in each day when you energy
levels are at their maximum all day long

Friday, January 27, 2012

Do you fear responsibility?


 Are you worried about 
relying on others? Are you afraid to leave your 
job and start that business? Are you afraid of success?
 
Could it be possible that deep down inside, 
you're even afraid to be happy?
 
Let's find out. Here's an exercise to try:
 
1. Grab a piece of paper and confess to yourself in writing the 
factors that keep you afraid of change. For example 
jealousy, lack, loneliness or failure.
 
2. Close your eyes and imagine a bright, powerful light 
engulfing you, lifting all your worries away and clearing 
your mind of all fear. Feel the warmth of the light 
surge through you, penetrating every part of your body.
 
3. Bask in this light for a while, feeling it in every part 
of your body. Radiate it, expand it out 10, 50, 100 feet 
around you until it grows bigger than your home, city, state, country 
and eventually even bigger than the planet.
 
4. Now recall the thoughts, beliefs and feelings that 
lead you to a place where you are fearful of change. 
Let the light overpower and banish all these 
unwanted elements. Do this as many times as you 
need to clear a particular block related to fear of change

Thursday, January 12, 2012

6 Phrases You Should Never Say Again


By Jeff Haden |  @jeff_haden   | Jan 11, 2012

Years ago, I worked for a manager that was the poster child of buzzwords. He loved slipping “cones of precision” and “silos” and “drill down” and… well, let’s just stop there.

(Oh, he also bought one of the first Palm Pilots, so roomfuls of people often sat waiting while he laboriously entered timelines and schedules into his calendar. Yep, he was one of those.)
One of my colleagues maintained a running list of this manager’s buzzwords. If this colleague heard a new one, he pulled a small notepad out of his shirt pocket and wrote it down. Whenever he whipped out his pad two things happened: 1) the manager looked smug and proud because he thought he had just said something so insightful the supervisor wanted to capture for it for posterity, and 2) the rest of us tried not to laugh because we knew what was really going on.
Guess how productive those meetings were.
Unfortunately, we all have a little of that manager in us. We use the same words too often, or without noticing use irritating speech patterns, or simply fall in love with certain expressions. (I’m definitely guilty; I once carried on a passionate and all-too-public affair with “that’s neither here nor there.”) When we do, whatever we hoped to say gets lost.
See if you’re guilty of any of these:
1. The Double Name: Using a person’s name twice-- especially your own-- in the same sentence as a way to justify unusual or unacceptable behavior.
Typical usage: “What can I say? That’s just Joe being Joe.” (Or even worse, “What can I say? That’s just me being me.”)
Whenever you say a person’s name twice as a way to describe them you’re actually making an excuse for behavior you would never tolerate from someone else.
And everyone knows it.
2. The Fake Agreement: Pretending to agree while expressing the opposite point of view.
Typical usage: “I can definitely see what you’re saying, but I just don’t think we should take on that project.”
In fact, you don’t really see what I’m saying because otherwise you would agree with what I’m saying. Beginning a sentence with, “I hear you…” is like a condescending pat on the head.
Don’t try to couch a different opinion inside a warm and fuzzy Fake Agreement. If you disagree, just say so professionally.
3. The Unsupported Closure: Ending a discussion or making a decision without backup or solid justification.
Typical usage: “At the end of the day, we’re here to sell products.”
Really? I had no idea we’re supposed to sell products!
Unsupported Closure is a go-to move for people who want something a certain way and don’t feel like, or can’t, explain why. Whenever you feel an, “At the end of the day…” coming on, take a deep breath and start over, otherwise you’ll spout inane platitudes instead of objective reasons that may actually help your employees get behind your decision.
Quick note: A Fake Agreement combines nicely with an Unjustified Closure: “I hear what you’re saying, but at the end of the day revenue concerns must come first.” Win-win!
4. The False Uncertainty: Pretending you’re not sure when, in fact, you are.
Typical usage: “You know, when I think about it I’m not so sure shutting down that facility isn’t the best option after all.”
Oh yes, you’re sure; you’re just trying to create buy-in or a sense of inclusion by pretending you still have an open mind… or you’re planting seeds for something you know you will eventually do.
Never say you aren’t sure unless you are truly willing to consider other viewpoints.
5. The First Person Theoretical: Pretending to be another person in order to explore different points of view.
Typical usage: “Let’s say I’m the average customer. I walk in your store. I want to buy a shirt...and so on."
You can get away with this occasionally, but more than once a year is really irritating.
Think about it. Let’s say I’m the average reader and I know someone who uses the First Person Theoretical to pretend they’re putting themselves in someone else’s shoes. And let’s say I’m thinking it’s really irritating. In fact, let’s say I’m thinking we can just move on.
6. The Favorite Word: Using a word so often that word is all anyone hears.
Typical usage: Simply pick a word and hammer it to death.
I had a boss who never met a sentence he couldn’t find a way to shoehorn “in other words,” “in general,” and “regarding” into. Often he could cram all three into the same sentence, sometimes multiple times. I kept track one time and counted thirty-seven “in other words” in a four-minute span.
Hey, I’m not proud. I’m also not worried about him reading this since he’s probably off somewhere clubbing baby seals.
When you fall in love with a word or expression, other people not only tire of it but they hear nothing else. Whatever you hoped to get across gets lost as people think, “Oh jeez, for once could he leave out the ‘that’s neither here nor there’”?
Ask someone if you overuse a word or phrase. At first they’ll look uncomfortable and try to avoid answering. Insist.
Eventually they’ll tell you, and I promise you’ll never use that word againhttp://www.inc.com/jeff-haden/6-buzzwords-you-should-never-use-again.html

Friday, January 6, 2012

The Magic of the Free Day


"Fulfillment comes from a life of meaningful achievement and from being present in each moment while moving in the direction we most want to move." – Peter Bregman



Free Day™ Breakthrough

By Dan Sullivan

A Free Day™ is a 24-hour period free from all work-related thinking, communication, and activity. In all my years of coaching entrepreneurs, Free Days™ are the change they most often thank me for helping them make. They help you stay creative at work, keep you physically and mentally healthy, and deepen your relationships with the people in your life who matter most.

Even if you know all this and agree with it, when you're under pressure or facing unexpected upheaval, you might start thinking of Free Days as a luxury that's hard to justify. That's why it's important to regularly reinforce the Free Day habit, consistently protecting them and taking them, because Free Days are the lastthing you should give up in tough times.

When people "fall off the wagon" and begin losing the productivity gains they've made, it usually starts with compromising their personal free time. It may start innocuously with, "I'll just get this one thing done," then gradually slide into a state of living in a "Reactive Zone" where each new thing becomes even morecomplicated because they have no new energy for dealing with it.

The flip side of this experience is using Free Days to make sure as much of your work time as possible is spent in the "Creative Zone" where things seem easier, your relationships are more enjoyable and helpful, you've got lots of new ideas, your actions are effective, and you're doing all this without creating new messes.

The three biggest obstacles to taking Free Days are panicguilt, and confusion:
  • Panic: "I'll take Free Days when this is all over."
  • Guilt: "How can I take a vacation when my team has to work?"
  • Confusion: "What will I do if I'm not at work?"
Let's look at each of these three:

"I'll take Free Days when this is all over."

Of course, it's never over – there's always something you could be doing for your business. The most successful entrepreneurs, however, evolve out of being "Rugged Individuals" who do everything themselves, and learn to delegate, empower others, and focus on doing what they do best.

These skills become even more important when emergencies happen. Besides, when you go too long without taking Free Days,everything starts to seem like an emergency. Driving this feeling of panic is the notion that, should you step away, there would be a complete catastrophe. In our experience, though, stepping back creates simplicity.

"How can I take a vacation when my team has to work?"

By starting your own business and raising it to its current level of success, you've taken risks and poured a lot of yourself into the company. Your team members (who get weekends, annual leave, and statutory holidays off) haven't made this kind of investment, so it's perfectly appropriate if you're rewarded differently. And if you really want to be of service to your team members, remember that you're far more valuable to them when you're fully rejuvenated and present.

Entrepreneurs ask us, "How can I get my team to work on their own, without having to constantly come to me?" Leave from time to time, that's how! When you're not there, your team members get a chance to catch up and to learn how to make decisions and take action independent of you.

"What will I do if I'm not at work?"

This is the biggest obstacle for many entrepreneurs. Work is rewarding–you're good at it. You get things for being good at it. The rewards in other parts of your life might be less tangible or measurable, and you might not be as good at them. Consistently going back to work–either physically or mentally–can quickly become a habit.

My experience from working with thousands of entrepreneurs is that one-dimensional people are vulnerable to losses in other areas of their life, such as deteriorations in their marriage or health. And paying exclusive attention to work isn't even a good business strategy, since business ultimately becomes the onlything you know. Creativity always involves an element of novelty.

No matter how much you love your work, there are always other realms in life that can give you opportunities to use your capabilities. And what's all this success you're building actually forif not to provide you with a rich life? Free Days are an investment in your future happiness and productivity that you won't regret.

Strategies for taking great Free Days.

It takes some practice to get the hang of Free Days, and, like diet and exercise, they need to be an active part of your life, not just something you know would be good for you. Luckily, the practice is its own reward!

Here are some strategies that really work:

1) Schedule your Free Days in advance.

As you look over the time ahead, try to schedule Free Days just before periods when you know you'll need to be your most productive. Think of it this way: one vacation, one breakthrough; two vacations, two breakthroughs; and on and on.

By booking your Free Days in advance, or even putting someone else in charge of your Free Days, you save yourself from having to justify or negotiate them with others–or yourself–at the time.

2) Do what you really want to do.

Don't make your Free Days just a different set of obligations, spending the whole day doing things for everyone but you. You might be rejuvenated by spending time on your own, or by being surrounded by other people. You may enjoy high-energy activities or quiet time. For some, a natural environment is a soothing break from our technological civilization.

Whatever you choose, it's important that it's consistent with who you are and what you need. If you're planning Free Days with friends or family members, involving them in the planning will ensure that you come up with something everyone enjoys.

If you're stuck for Free Day ideas, check in with your lifetime goals, and see if there's anything you can do that will move you closer to them. Or you might want to start small and achieve something you've been meaning to get to for a long time.

3) Let your team members help you.

Your team members can see when you're tired, even if you haven't noticed yourself falling into that state. When it seems like they're not understanding you or that they're just not "getting it," that's a sign that you need Free Days–and they have a vested interest in helping you take them! Their results depend on your creativity, for one. And you can be sure they prefer working with the rested and rejuvenated version of you.

4) Train your clientele.

There are two ways you can wean your clients and customers off having constant access to you. First, help them understand that Free Days mean that when they do get to be with you, you will always be fully charged and present with them.

Second, in certain areas, your team members have specific talents that actually enable them to take better care of these clients and customers than you can. So, in presenting this change, you can reassure your clientele that you're leaving them in the hands of a specialist. If they're properly introduced to this concept and the transition is smooth, their experience of your business can actually improve:

Getting less of you personally can be an opportunity for them to get more of the value they come to you for.

Do one thing.

If you don't already have a Free Day strategy in place, just start where you are and do one thing–book a single Free Day, brainstorm about locations or activities for your free time, or have a conversation with your spouse or friends about something you could do together. All that matters is that you do something, however small, to start developing the Free Day habit.

The most successful entrepreneurs manage to achieve a balance between their personal and professional lives. If you consider that balance an important part of your lifetime goals, Free Days can provide a crucial strategic tool for making sure you attain it, and that you enjoy all the freedom your success affords you.

Thursday, January 5, 2012

Give Your Employees unlimited vacation!!!!

3 Steps to Overcome Any Challenge!


By John Castagnini
Can you think of an event in your life that you would describe as “negative”? If so, you already have more disadvantages than advantages in your mind.
Now let’s do something to change that…
Get a pen and paper and write down answers to the questions below. Write until you are able to discover an EQUAL number of benefits and drawbacks associated with this experience. Once you can clearly see that there are equal benefits and drawbacks, you become fully able to appreciate the experience, rather than judging it as only one sided. At this point you’re no longer attached to the experience, and the only thing left to say is “Thank God” for the experience. It’s in these moments that you discover your greatness.

3 Steps

  • STEP 1: What are some of the benefits of your challenge to both you and others?
  • STEP 2: What would be some of the disadvantages to you and others if you did NOT have this challenge?
  • STEP 3: Let’s pretend things turned out the way you had wished, what would be the disadvantages to you and to others?
  • HINT:  Look at each part of your life- physical, mental, spiritual, financial, vocational, family, and social.
Life’s challenges can be tough, real tough… Sometimes it can feel as if there’s no hope, that no one could possibly understand what you’re going through. While some of life’s challenges are certainly a lot tougher than others, all of these challenges are tests that have one thing in common. It is not the event but the EMOTIONS we associate with it that are the issue.
The divorce, the job loss, the illness, the cheating partner aren’t the real challenge. They are the result of an emotional pattern. The perceived challenge is rooted in emotion. We’re not depressed because of the job loss or divorce. We’re depressed because we feel we are failures, because we feel alone, because we don’t see that there are just as many benefits as there are drawbacks to the so-called “negative” event.
So we get into a pattern of trying the wrong solution to solve the wrong problem… and then feel we’ve failed when the wrong solution doesn’t work!
Emotions will repeat over and over until they are brought into balance. What is meant by balance?
Let’s say we are devastated following a divorce. What are some of the feelings we are experiencing? We feel loss, like a failure, like a failed parent… These feelings will go on and on until we can see how we EQUALLY gained from the divorce and how the divorce itself was also a success.Have you ever heard the expression, “some day we will all look back on this and laugh”? Depending upon how fast we allow ourselves to find the balance in our challenge, WE determine how fast that day of laughter arrives.
Have you been taught specifically how to find the blessings in your challenge? Were you trained to look at each area of life and see the benefits to your challenge? Don’t get me wrong, it can be hard, real hard to stop and force yourself to see the other side..The alternative is to repeat this emotional pattern for months, years or even decades!
By digging deep and discovering the service of your challenge to your self and others, By discovering how if this great challenge did NOT happen there would be EQUAL disadvantages, By coming to presence and becoming thankful for how your life is in this very moment, you can conquer your challenge today… With each new challenge you conquer comes appreciation for the underlying order that exists. And with appreciation comes growth.

These are the repeatable action steps you can do over and over each time you face a new challenge. The purpose of these exercises is to move past any judgements that your life would somehow be better had you not experienced this challenge. The event “is”. It’s neither more “good” or “bad”. Balancing our emotions related to the challenge gives us a glimpse of the “big picture” so that we stop trying to fix what ain’t broken in the first place, we become a lot more likely to create what we’d love.
Yes, the grass always seems greener on the other side. But as with anything, practice makes perfect. The faster you become able to recognize and balance your emotions the faster you will get back to your place of creating and manifesting the life you’d love.

Old? GET OUT! New? Bring it on... :)


Or phrased another way, "Out with the old and in with the new." This is the mantra billions of people worldwide have been saying to them as the new year passed from 2011 to 2012.- BY Chris Cade
People have made resolutions to be different than they were. To lose weight, meditate more, save money, work harder, start a new business, start a new relationship, exercise more, judge others less, begin personal transformation programs, and so on and so forth. The list goes on.
What I find interesting is how all this relates to forgiveness. Most people have the idea that forgiveness is something they give to another person. "I forgive you for hurting me" we might say to a friend or family member.
But that's not true forgiveness. True forgiveness is "out with the old and in with the new." It is a letting go of what was to make space for what is. Real forgiveness is the opportunity to see what lies here and now without being clouded by the memories of the past. Put in financial terms: "Past performance does not predict the future."
Don't get me wrong. I'm not saying to just discard memories. Forgetting means not learnng the lesson. Ignoring the past is choosing to remain ignorant. What I'm suggesting is that we can learn the lessons without carrying the emotional baggage. We can get on the metaphorical airplane and visit new places, see new sights, without having our attention be 'back home' so to speak.
This is important when we think about new years resolutions. Are you trying to lose weight because you have emotional baggage about the past? People teased you (or you teased yourself)? Are you trying to earn more money because you're tired of being poor or disappointing others?
If so, there's nothing wrong with that. Those are all valid reasons to want change. The thing is, by using the past reasons as justification for future actions, we are choosing not to live in the present moment. We are choosing NOT to forgive. We are choosing to have the past dictate our future.

What if we looked at it through the lens of true forgiveness?

That would mean looking at who and how we are... right now. Exactly right now. Then allowing our heart, mind, and body --together in unison--inform us of what is best for us in the present moment. Maybe you would still try to lose weight or earn money.

The difference is, it wouldn't be a reaction to the past. It wouldn't be trying to avoid being who you were or avoiding the experiences you used to have. Losing weight could instead be for the purpose of feeling a greater sense of aliveness and vitality.

The goal of "losing weight" could become "experiencing more physical energy." Earning more money could transform into the goal of "creating more abundance that I can share with others."
In other words, by truly "forgiving" yourself, decisions to change would come from a place within you that says "This is what I authentically want... because it's right, and not because of my troubled past."

This is a substantial shift. It moves away from a lack mentality of what you don't want (the past) and into a heart-centered abundant space of what you want to experience more of in your life.
The difference is subtle. Some would call it semantics...
I consider it fundamental.

Five Minutes is All It Takes


How to Get More Done

By Craig Ballantyne

This simple five minute task, done at the end of your workday, is guaranteed to make your next workday more productive.

So if you're tired of finishing your days and feeling like they've all slipped away, implement this simple plan starting today.

Craig Ballantyne

"Where you grew up has no bearing on where YOU DECIDE you are going to be today." – Dan Kennedy...You control everything. Your success is your responsibility.




In order to squeeze the most productivity out of your day – so that you have the satisfaction of accomplishment, rather than the dreaded feeling of another 'lost day' – you really need to have a plan.

And the plan not only shows you what you should be doing, but what you need to avoid as well.

Both my private coaching clients and I have found that we can dramatically increase the amount of work we get done – and free time we have – when we script our day, and I'll show you exactly how to do that in a second. But first, there's a cool little secret "Millionaire's time management" method that I want to share with you.

I first heard this trick from Donald Trump's lead lawyer, George Ross. George himself is worth hundreds of millions of dollars, and he learned this from Trump himself.

Here's what George recommended. "Get a simple notebook and carry it around for the next three days. Break the page up into 15-minute blocks and write down what you are doing each day at those times."

Let's say your workday starts at 8am. You'll set up your notebook like this:

8:00
8:15
8:30
8:45
9:00.
Etc.

And then you'll just make notes beside each time.

You'll quickly identify your time wasting habits, as well as when you are most productive – that's what I call your magic time. The next step is to identify solutions for overcoming the time wasting and to increase the time spent being productive.

For example, maybe you check your email every day at 9:30, and then you start cycling through news websites. That's a habit that must be broken if you want to build more productivity into your day.

And that's where scripting your day comes in.

As legendary small business coach, Dan Kennedy, says, "If you don't plan your day, someone else will plan it for you."

So that's why I now script my day, and try to do so several days in advance.

Each night, before you end your work day, you need to script out the next work day. Here are some tips on how to do this...

– Decide what you are going to get done.
– Assign blocks of time to it.
– Get it done & stick to your time limits.

It's that simple. This also means blocking out unexpected calls and not allowing for anyone else to come marching in to your office to steal your time.

You can, and should script your day from the moment you wake up to the moment you go to sleep. Of course, you need to put in relaxation time, and free time where you can do whatever you want. But if you find the time 'gets away from you' at home and at work, and therefore you miss your workouts, you don't get projects done in a timely fashion, or you're missing out on family events, simply scripting your day will improve your ability to manage your time and energy.

You also need to make sure you protect what I called your "Magic Time". This is where you are able to accomplish more in a short time than you would in a much longer time at any other point in the day. Essentially, your magic time is your most effective time of the day.

For me, the time is first thing in the morning, and that's when I get my best writing done, and when I do it the fastest.

Now you might not be a writer or a morning person, but there's something that you do better each day during a specific time of the day. Whatever it is that you are doing that is important to you, make sure that your scripted day includes a block of time set aside for your magic time.

So again, at the end of each day, script tomorrow's day.

– Decide what you are going to get done.
– Assign blocks of time to those activities.
– Get it done & stick to your time limits.

Now you have the five minute recipe for a more productive day and better time management

Tuesday, January 3, 2012

Change is Now or Never -Guy Finley


Victory over our own lower nature isnow or never. We can't end conflict later. We can't stop being sad, cruel, angry, scared, or anxious later. Thinking, or hoping, that any destination we have in mind is going to be superior to where we're presently standing is exactly why we're still standing in that same place where we have to hope that some tomorrow will be better.

Later does not exist in reality.
Only to the lower nature does the concept of "later" have any merit. This self-created, false concept of time allows it to create yet another you in another time when, according to itsprophecy, you'll be a wiser, stronger, and generally superior individual. But your higher nature knows for you to experience the miracle of real inner transformation, to step up to a superior life level, you must no longer think in terms of how you'll be "next time." It understands, as we must, that a change in nature is immediate; it is now,or it won't be at all.
And so it's imperative to meet each moment of your life with this realization: it's only what you do right now that is the seed of change. And in the endless beauty and mystery of what is the now, this same seed of change is also the seed of a New Self. Here's why this is true: If you choose to change right now, then you won't have to worry about how to be different next time!
In fact, choose to change now, and that moment will never come for you to worry about how to be better next time. Your conscious choice for real change in the present moment automatically cancels the need for a better you in a better future. All will be better for you now... which is the only time it really matters!
Make it your moment-to-moment practice to stay awake, and to watch for all the opportunities that your own nowpresents. Keep your efforts personal, practical, and to the point. If your inner work doesn't transform the whole of your life into a more relaxed, amazing, and uplifting experience, then you're dreaming, not changing.
Your awareness of the power of now can transform each challenging life moment into a new and true beginning for you. Learning how to use these moments leads to real inner change, which is the same as being in command of your own destiny.
http://www.guyfinley.org/free-content/writings/special-lessons/4626?src=KL&lyid=147000488&klsid=sid0000_KL

Monday, January 2, 2012

HOW are You?


That's an interesting question. This question is asked at least millions of times per day across the globe. Many times the question "How are you?" passes from employee to customer without even being noticed.

Strangers might not even hear the question. Those who notice the question, most frequently answer with a commonly expected response: "Fine" or "Good."
It's an automatic response that is avoids connection and/or potential confrontation. I know at least for me, there used to be a little voice in the back of my mind that said, "They don't REALLY care how I am. She was just being nice. It's her job at the store to ask those questions."

Sometimes that was true. I could sense that the person didn't care. But that doesn't change the fact that a part of me was afraid to engage the other person. What did it matter? We'd only talk for 10 seconds anyway. Why bother being open and vulnerable?
It wasn't until a few years ago that I decided to make my best conscious effort to answer "How are you?" honestly. Some days that means I'm wonderful, delighted, having a great day, or simply feeling well.

Other days, I answer more somberly. For example, I'll tell people that I am "Tired,"  "Sad," "Very upset" or "I'm having a really difficult day/week/month/holiday season." Most of the time people don't know how to respond to that.
Answering "How are you?" candidly is out of the norm. Unexpected. Vulnerable. All the things that people usually try to avoid (consciously or subconsciously). The thing is, when we answer unconsciously with socially expected and accepted responses, we become robbers.
We rob the other person of the opportunity to engage with the world in a more alive way. We rob ourselves of that same opportunity. We also rob ourselves of living presently, consciously, and authentically.

We rob ourselves and others of the opportunity to make new friends, new connections, share our experiences and insights, and most importantly - share our our humanity.
It is risky to be vulnerable. Part of us fears rejection. Part of us worries about what the other person will think if we were REALLY candid about how we are. Those are normal aspects of our social survival instincts. It's the pack mentality that says "If I don't conform to what I think others expect of me, I might not get what I want. I might be rejected. I might not survive."
It doesn't just happen in supermarkets and stores though. This is most readily seen in social functions with family, friends, coworkers. It happens in almost every walk of life where "How are you?" is a frequent question.

In those contexts most people rarely answer honestly. "Good" and "great" become coverups for the real inner thoughts like "My life is in total shambles and I'm grateful just to be out of the house. Would you please pour me a glass of that wine?"
Being open and candid is not easy. Few of us were given working examples, the tools, and the support to be vulnerable, authentic, and candid. Fortunately, every day we have an opportunity to change that in a safe way.

Where and how?
The supermarket :)
Next time somebody asks you "How are you?" pause for a brief moment and answer honestly. See how the moment unfolds. It may feel uncomfortable at first, but I guarantee you this: Do it enough times, and you will experience ever increasing degrees of inner freedom and peace.

Why?
Because you're no longer silencing the true essential nature of yourself that WANTS to be authentic and connect with others... even if it be for just a brief moment

WHEN and WHO to delete out of YOUR life.

Meeting other entrepreneurs who had the guts to forge ahead when their friends told them they were crazy – when their families abandoned them, and when it seemed they might even failthemselves – is the most inspiring thing in the world. It reinforces that anything IS possible. When someone who hasn't committed to their dreams has a friend who doesn't support them, they will give up the dream. But when someone has committed to their dreams and has a friend who doesn't support them, they will realize it's time to get new friends. 


 The harsh reality is: not everyone will support your dreams, even when they say they do. Comments like, "I just don't want to see you get hurt," are really dream killers, because they come from people who genuinely care about you – but here's where subconscious psychology comes into play:

Where will THEY be if you're driving towards your goals? They will be without you around. They will be watching you venture after your passions and into the scary waters of the unknown, waters they themselves are scared of – waters you "should be scared of too."

One of the biggest obstacles I had to overcome in pursing my dreams was knowing WHEN and WHO to delete out of my life.

You might be thinking, "Huh? What'd he just say?" Yes, deleting. There's only so much capacity in one's life; only so much time in the day and space in the brain to hold thoughts and ideas. If you don't make a concerted effort to delete the stuff that isn't getting you towards your real goals (and keep it out!) – and let ONLY the stuff that is getting you closer to your goals into your life – you won't ever achieve your dreams. The place to start is by deleting negative, self-deprecating thoughts.

The action plan for YOU,  is to count the number of times you catch yourself thinking negative thoughts tomorrow. Then look at them. Carefully. How can you delete them from your life? I challenge you to make a commitment to delete ALL of them in 2012. Look at them one at a time, and talk through them to identify your actual goal underlying the negative thought.

"I'm fat." (Negative.)

"I want to be fit" (Goal.)

Every time you catch yourself thinking a negative thought, stop and say aloud to yourself: "No, I'm not fat. My goal is to be fit by March, and to do that, I will workout three times a week." While this sounds completely trivial (and something your "friends" may call you crazy for if they catch you doing aloud), it's the starting point for changing negative patterns – and the starting point toward achieving your goals.