Productive Anger

By Carmen Honacker
There are days when I’m really angry or even enraged, and believe it or not, I’m not necessarily PMSing every time. I know that this is the general excuse for a female’s bad attitude, and it’s actually a valid point, but for those of us who aren’t mere slaves to our hormones, please don’t assume that all our anger is PMS-related.

Having said that, there are a few “rules” one should follow in order to not be seen as a total muppet and in order to not royally upset people, i.e. make enemies. Take it from me – I used to be a master in the “rubbing people the wrong way” category, by means of my “refreshing,” in-your-face honesty.
Anger is a perfectly normal emotion. All of us get angry here and there, and it’s not only normal, but healthy to express anger. Of course, there are different ways of doing this. My idea of expressing anger used to be by yelling, screaming and attacking in such a way that the other person wouldn’t get up for a while. I would repress my anger, disappointment or resentment for a long time, until the proverbial s*** hit the fan and I’d lose it. By that time I’d be fuming to the point of absolute rage, and what little self-control I may have still had would quickly go down the drain if the poor sucker had the nerve to not own up to their part.
I would like to again remind people of my mantra: “You are allowed to feel it, but you cannot act on it!” It’s OK to tell a person that you are angry. It is, however, never OK to act out on it. No, we do not get to rant, rave, hit, scream, yell, lash out or passively aggressively attack another; it is also absolutely not OK to hit below the belt line or to go behind a person’s back! This is what cowards do, and we never accomplish anything by acting in the aforementioned ways. As a matter of fact, when you reach the boiling point, it’s best to call a “time-out” and simply walk away! You may want to agree to talk when you’re less emotional and when your anger has subsided. Only when you’re calm and collected is it a good idea to talk about your feelings!
Acting in temper-tantrum, passive-aggressive, out-of-control kinds of ways, including name calling or bad-mouthing one another, is acting like a five-year-old. Hence, people who behave this way don’t ever win, and always end up losing credibility and the respect of others; well, at least healthy people. I would be highly concerned with my friends if they would allow me to get away with such childish and crazy behaviors!
When I get angry, I usually pack a damn good punch! This can work in my advantage, because it allows me to channel this raw energy into something I really enjoy. Exercising, especially cardio work-outs do wonders for my enraged mind. I can start punching the punching bag in the gym, or run like a maniac on the treadmill, and by the time my body is tired, so is my mind. I feel refreshed and at the same time exhausted enough to relax and calm down. If I am in a situation where I cannot go to the gym, I will simply write my anger down. This includes writing letters to the people who really pissed me off. I write them a nastygram, telling them what jerks they are and how they can go to hell… and never send it!! By the time I complete my letter to the tools of the world, I feel a whole lot better!
The key is to never bottle up your anger. The worst one can do for one’s emotional, mental and physical health is to keep things inside. The challenge is to get this stuff out of you before it does damage to you or others. This is why we behave in a grown-up manner, unless we want to find ourselves alone, friendless and relationshipless. People don’t like being around time bombs, because most of us want to feel safe with those we spend time and space with. A person who is about to cuss you out, attacks below the belt line or otherwise behaves like a toddler is not safe and probably only fun for a little while, because you always have to tiptoe around them, wondering what will happen if you piss them off. The same goes for those who are awesome in criticizing and/or belittling others, but will lash out when you call them on their stuff.
How you treat others and who you are being in the world, is what and whom you attract in return! So no, you don’t get to be a freight train, no matter how you have been wronged! Sometimes it’s just simply better to take the high road, i.e. hold your head up, keep your dignity and just walk away. Here’s another motto for you: Just say no!!