The Slippery Slope of Financial Dependency

By Alina Mikos

While money may make the world go round, its presence—or lack thereof—in your relationship may wreak havoc on your relationship. If your partner is making all the dough, all sorts of issues can pop up between you two, and usually the longer the imbalance exists in the relationship, the harder it will be to break free of the dependency. Here’s a closer look at the destructive nature of financial dependency.
1. Compromised Self-Confidence
One way people feel capable in their lives is tied to their ability to independently support themselves. If your partner is shouldering this responsibility for you, it’s only a matter of time before your self-esteem suffers. Unless there is a happy and healthy balance in the division of responsibility in the relationship (such as a stay-at-home spouse who does the domestic chores, cares for the children, etc.), your complete financial dependency will degrade your pride and confidence, and can easily lead to depression.
2. Resentment Rears its Ugly Head
Abusive behavior is often the consequence of a resentful partner’s feelings. If one partner feels that he or she is taking on an unfair amount of financial responsibility, that person may lash out in other ways, perhaps through derogatory comments and behavior. This quickly poisons the relationship, with one partner feeling used or taken advantage of and retaliating with harsh words and actions, thus destroying all respect in the relationship.
3. With Power Comes Control
If your financially stable partner becomes resentful enough, he may try to control you through money, although not necessarily on a conscious level. The partner with the money has the power to decide when and where it goes, and unless he or she is a very giving and unselfish person, it is easy to fall into dictating all the financial decisions, essentially manipulating their partner’s life.
4. The Sticky Web of Co-Dependence
The cold hard fact is that the longer you stay in a financially lopsided relationship, the deeper you dig your hole. Whether you are out of work, or working at a job which doesn’t pay enough to support you and your lifestyle, you lock yourself into a routine which is hard to break. You become comfortable not working, or working less than necessary to make ends meet. You rely on your mate to carry you financially, and in the process can become less hirable to future employers with higher paying jobs through an increasingly spotty resume. This puts your partner in a position of power, and kindles your fears about your partner leaving you because you no longer believe that you can make it on your own.
Only you know whether your relationship is healthy and balanced; making the money is only one part of keeping a couple and family together. Your job is to make sure that if one of you in the relationship makes the money, the other provides significant support in other ways, thus maintaining a crucial respect and harmony between the two of you