Stand Up For Yourself September

By Jessalyn Marchal

Imagine that our souls have assignments, things they need to learn. If you’re finding that you have trouble standing up to your disrespectful co-worker, a meddling family member, or you’re being taken for granted in relationships, learning to set appropriate boundaries could definitely be on your homework list.

The good news about soul lessons is that you will keep drawing these experiences into your life until you get it right. The trap with blurry boundaries is that it feels like you’re doing the right thing by ignoring your inner whistle blower, and giving in to the other person, but what it really means is that you’ve missed another golden opportunity to learn the lessons you’re soul is asking you to learn.

In business…At the office, your responsibilities should be defined by your job description and your company’s employee handbook as well as dictated by your own values and internal compass. Dealing with an overload of assignments, a bullying co-worker, or an insensitive boss can make your workplace seem like a nightmare. Sure, you could change jobs, but certainly not each time you encounter a difficult personality. Instead, you might find that the lesson to be learned is about self-respect and commanding that others provide no less.

Realize that most companies have set procedures in place to protect employee rights – armed with that back up, stand up straight and stand up for yourself! Tell that co-worker that you’re sorry if they’re having a bad day but that you just don’t understand why they would make that hurtful remark. Say it loud, let someone nearby overhear you. Give that responsibility back to your co-worker – it’s not your fault that they are behaving disrespectfully! Not only are you standing up for yourself and making it clear to this person that you do not tolerate shabby treatment, but you’re showing leadership to your fellow “soul schoolmates” – if I can do it so can you!

Love and friendshipIf boundary setting is an assignment of yours, you will definitely find a willing partner in the love department! Oh, how many people are waiting to take advantage of someone who does not know their true worth? Allowing yourself to be a doormat “because you’re in love” may feel like you’re really showing that special someone how much they mean to you… but what you’re really showing them is that you don’t know the first thing about love, which is loving you!

Relationships are excellent soul barometers. If you’re not feeling reciprocal “give and take” with your partner, then you need to stop, drop and roll. Stop to ask yourself why this person would not want to give back to you. Drop the act and say what you feel. You don’t have to be harsh or critical, but you do need to have a heart-to-heart conversation.Roll with the punches – if you can hash out a resolution with your mate, realize there will be ups and downs in this learning process. If no compromise can be made and you’re still feeling taken for a ride – roll on outta there, you can use the time and effort that you were lavishing on someone else to pamper yourself. You will be teaching yourself what it feels like to be appreciated, cared for and happy and you’ll know exactly what you’re looking for next time.

FamilyDespite how loved we may be by our parents and siblings, there are emotional responses that we have been conditioned to give since birth. Unfortunately, we learned boundaries from people without omnipresence and with imperfections. Boundary issues are here if you’re on a mission of self-discovery. These can be some of the toughest boundaries to solidify because we began forming them when we were too young to understand that we are separate from our parents. If your mom or dad struggled with a boundary, we very well may be, too. It’s not easy to realize that our parents aren’t perfect… but as we are all mirrors to each other, naming what you see as an issue for them allows you to realize it for yourself as well. Learning from their experiences and choices and knowing they were their choics (not yours!), means that going forward you can choose to, or not, carry on family traditions without blinders.

Remember, the squeaky wheel gets the grease – and then stops squeaking! Going against your own inner guidance when something doesn’t feel right to you is rarely the best choice for the boundary challenged. Asking for what you need and want is something that can be a welcome part of your self-respect repertoire.

Regardless of the situation whether it’s business or pleasure, you are well within your rights to require reciprocal relationships where people uphold their end of the deal. So, before you say “Sure, I’d be happy to…” make sure your inner voice isn’t saying no! You’re the only one who can hear that voice and it’s counting on you to honor it!

People who do not respect where you’re at, or they project their own issues on you, can be released. Simply send them your blessing and let them deal with their own issues – with someone else! It’s your life, so create it exactly as you see it unfolding. And standing up for what you beleive is the first step to a beautiful life.