A Memo to Parents from a Child...

Just want to share this article to all the parents, taken from the book "The Mustard Seed" by Joseph A. Galdon, S.J.

Thank you to our daughter's school for sending this letter to us parents.

"A Memo to Parents from a Child"

     Don’t spoil me. I know very well that I shouldn’t have everything that I ask you for. Sometimes I’m only testing you. So I ask for everything under the sun just to see how far you will go in spoiling me. Don’t be afraid to be strict with me. Actually, I prefer it when you are strict because it gives me a sense of security. Just to know that you have rules and that I have to follow the rules gives me a great sense of confidence that to know that you are in control. My teacher told us one time that discipline provides a “sanctuary of security” for us when we are growing up. I know she was right.

Don’t let me form bad habits. I don’t always know what is good and what is bad, and I have to rely on you to see the bad habits that I am starting to form and to talk to me about them. Don’t make me feel “smaller” than I am. It only makes me want to behave “big” and stupidly. When you treat me like a little child all the time, I will keep on acting like a little child. Treat me as though I were older than I really am and I will try to live up to what you expect of we as an "older person”. It's a challenge for me to grow up.

 Please don’t correct me infront of other people. It makes me ashamed and rebellious. I will pay a lot more attention to you if you talk to me “man to man” or “woman to woman,” quietly and reasonably and in private. Don’t always make me think that my mistakes are sins. Most of the time, they really aren’t. They're just mistakes. You will spoil my sense of values if you make me think mistakes are sins when they really aren't. And please don’t protect me from the consequences of my mistakes. Sometimes I need to learn the painful way. If I make a mistake or do something wrong, I have to learn to accept the consequences. It doesn’t help me grow when you protect me and shelter me from my mistakes. Don’t be upset when I say “I hate you.” I really don’t hate you at all. I hate the power and control you have over me. But when I think about it, I realize that your control over me is good, because you love me.

Don’t pay too much attention to my little ailments. I can handle them if you don’t baby me. Sometimes I use these little ailments to get the attention that I need from you so much. Please don’t nag me. If you do, I have to protect myself by pretending that I am deaf and I didn’t hear you. The only way I can escape from your nagging is not to pay any attention to it. Then your nagging doesn’t do any good at all.

 Please don’t forget that I can’t always explain myself to you the way I want to. I don’t have the words or the experience to explain it to you so that you can understand what I am really thinking. That’s why my explanations seem unreasonable sometimes, or don’t make any sense to you, because you are older and more experienced and more logical than I am. Therefore, don’t put me off when I ask questions. That’s the only way I can figure things out for myself. But if you are annoyed or impatient with my questions, I will stop asking you about things and won’t talk to you anymore about the things that I think are important. Then I’ll seek the information I need elsewhere, and that is never as good as asking your parents about things that worry you or perplex you.

 Don’t be inconsistent, because that makes me feel confused and I start to lose all my trust in you. Don’t tell my fears and worries are silly. They are terribly real to me, even if they aren’t real to you. What I want you to do is listen to me and reassure me and try to understand what I am trying to say about my own worries and confusions.

 Most important, don’t suggest to me that you are perfect, that you never make mistakes, because you do, and I know that you do. It comes a great shock to me when you keep telling me that you are always right and then I discover that you make mistakes, too. I don’t want a parent who is perfect. I want a parent who loves me and understands me. Don't ever think that it is below your dignity to admit that you were wrong or to apologize to me when you make a mistake. It makes me feel surprisingly warm and loving towards you when you apologize with love.

 Don't forget-ever- that I love experimenting. That is what growing up is all about. I can't get along without trying out things for myself. So please put up with my experiments and talk to me about them afterwards, so we can work them out together and see what was wrong and what was right. Don’t forget how quickly I am growing up. I know it is hard for you but please, try. I know you want to keep me the way I was when I was younger. But that isn’t very good for either of us. So please try to keep pace with me. Please keep yourself healthy. I NEED YOU. I LOVE YOU.

                                                                                                          -Author Unknown