When conflicts arise, we tend to believe we
are communicating correctly. It's the other
person who has no clue. Of course, they are
thinking the very same thing about us.
So, how do we resolve interpersonal conflicts?
First, we need to become aware that, while we are working unconsciously out of our own Belief System, our counterpart is doing exactly the same. And, we all think that the way we see the world is the same way everyone else sees the world. It's important realize the fact that - in practically every case where there is conflict - we are both working out of two very different sets of beliefs.
Next, we practice staying conscious of this; constantly "checking our premises" - qualifying that we are making decisions based not just on appearances but on what really is.
Here's a very effective way to work with "Beliefs" and Belief Systems in order to practically ensure that both you and the other person come out winners.
When in conflict or confrontation, ask yourself four questions:
1. How is my personal Belief System distorting the actual truth of the situation?
2. How is his or her personal Belief System distorting the actual truth of the situation?
3. What questions can I ask this person that will clarify my understanding of their version of the truth (their Belief System)?
4. What information can I give that will help them clarify their understanding of my version of the truth (my Belief System)?
As the saying goes, within conflict between two or more people, there are generally three truths: your truth, their truth, and the actual truth (those first two truths are actually beliefs).
Through questions, as well as a caring exchange of information, the real truth can usually be discovered, generating understanding, respect and peace. This leads to results in alignment with our Belief Systems in which both people win, feel great about the situation, and about each other.
So, how do we resolve interpersonal conflicts?
First, we need to become aware that, while we are working unconsciously out of our own Belief System, our counterpart is doing exactly the same. And, we all think that the way we see the world is the same way everyone else sees the world. It's important realize the fact that - in practically every case where there is conflict - we are both working out of two very different sets of beliefs.
Next, we practice staying conscious of this; constantly "checking our premises" - qualifying that we are making decisions based not just on appearances but on what really is.
Here's a very effective way to work with "Beliefs" and Belief Systems in order to practically ensure that both you and the other person come out winners.
When in conflict or confrontation, ask yourself four questions:
1. How is my personal Belief System distorting the actual truth of the situation?
2. How is his or her personal Belief System distorting the actual truth of the situation?
3. What questions can I ask this person that will clarify my understanding of their version of the truth (their Belief System)?
4. What information can I give that will help them clarify their understanding of my version of the truth (my Belief System)?
As the saying goes, within conflict between two or more people, there are generally three truths: your truth, their truth, and the actual truth (those first two truths are actually beliefs).
Through questions, as well as a caring exchange of information, the real truth can usually be discovered, generating understanding, respect and peace. This leads to results in alignment with our Belief Systems in which both people win, feel great about the situation, and about each other.
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