Do you ever fear that for some reason you are destined to be alone in life? Like a force larger than you has determined your fate?
There is a deep sense of aloneness that many of us feel, and it can be both confusing and heartbreaking. You're often left with a sense of being forgotten by life, a little sad and lost, as well as incredibly anxious about the future.
Sometimes others may even tell you that you're fated to be alone.
Psychics that say they see no lover in your future. Astrologers who see a solitary life in your chart. Family members who validate that you're always the only single one at the Thanksgiving table.
But most often you believe that you are fated to be alone in life because you experienced aloneness or abandonment as a child, and the emotional residue from that experience is still alive and well in your psyche.
Or perhaps you can't envision being partnered in life because you simply have not had any positive role models for healthy, lasting intimate relationships that would inspire you to create that experience for yourself.
Today I want to help you see that no matter why you think you may be destined for a lonely life, that it simply isn't true.
You were not born to be alone. Nor were you designed to be alone.
You are designed to love and be loved, and you have the power to learn how to create happy, healthy and satisfying love that is beyond anything you may even have a reference for.
You can actually learn to create intimate, loving, rooted connections that last over time, and you can absolutely find happy, healthy love with your soulmate, no matter what your past experiences have been.
How?
Well... the first step is to take a fierce stand from the depths of your being to have love in your life, even if you don't know how that might happen yet.
You then want to make choices to show up in life in ways that are consistent with this possibility, staying generative of the possibility of love, even in the face of current disappointment and no evidence.
Are you able to see how you may have shown up in ways that have covertly been creating your aloneness in the past?
Sometimes it's hard to see at first, particularly when you have a strong desire to have love in your life. But there are a million covert ways we push love away, even though we may want it with all of our heart.
This willingness to begin to discover yourself as the source of your aloneness is what will open you to your power to co-create the future you desire.
For truly, each and every one of us can learn how to create love, connection and deep fulfillment.
I want to share with you the story of a woman I coached named Mary who asked me how to deal with her long standing pattern of abandonment and aloneness.
An astrologer had once told her that her chart showed "a lot of aloneness" in her life and that she would always have trouble with love.
I remember the pain in Mary's voice as she shared her astrologer's words.
She said, "It's breaking my heart. It's as if I have no choice in this, and so far my astrologer has been right about everything. So, it really feels true."
I asked her if she could relate to this sense that "I am alone" as a belief she held, and NOT as a truth about her life.
Could she get inside her beliefs, and begin to see how she has been showing up in ways that covertly create her reality of aloneness? Could she name some of the ways she's been creating this experience?
When she looked at her life from this perspective, she suddenly began to see things she'd never really noticed before... all of the ways she was pushing love away, in spite of her best efforts to find it.
For example, the gorgeous home she'd created along a magnificent shoreline had not been the invitation for intimacy she'd hoped it would be...
Instead she'd purchased property in an obscure place where most people would have to really travel and make a tremendous effort to come be with her there.
She saw that when she did find herself in relationship, at the first sign of conflict, as a way to try to secure the connection, she would not engage it directly but rather, she built up a wall in her heart.
Then, because she was convinced that the other person would now leave her because there had been a conflict between them, as a preemptive strike against being left, she would actually kill off the relationship.
These were her ways of relating that actually generated the deep experience of loneliness she had.
To break free of her belief in aloneness, we took her deep into her consciousness, which is, for many of us, like going to the level of our soul.
Because our beliefs about ourselves are created when we are very, very young, and we will often continue to live from the same worldview we developed in our childhood.
By going deep into our consciousness to discover the real truth about who we are and what is possible in our lives, we can break free of this early interpretation of who we are.
Otherwise, we will continue to live as though that early interpretation is entirely true and all that is possible for us.
And the reason this upsets and deeply pains people like Mary, and perhaps people like you, is because the real truth is:
Being destined to be alone does not work for you.
Deep down you know you're made for love. You know that you came here to love and be loved. And yet, you just haven't learned how to live from this part of yourself on a conscious level yet.
Please know that this isn't your fault.
The problem for a lot of us today is that we're living in a very insight-oriented culture. You yourself may already know that you have a belief that you are alone in life and yet you can't seem to break free from this worldview.
So, we doggedly try to get to the bottom of the belief. We analyze when we created that belief, what happened, who did what to who.
We think, "Oh if I can just get that one insight... if I can see how such-and-such happened to me as a child, I can somehow break the magic spell and wake up to suddenly have a different experience."
But it doesn't often work that way. Because what's missing is development.
In Mary's case, she grew up in a family of alcoholics. She was never able to learn how to navigate a conflict to a deeper level of bonding, or how to socialize with people in a way that could give her an experience of belonging and really being a part of something.
She couldn't learn these things in her home as a child because her family was pretty shut down.
And so her development was arrested, and whenever development gets arrested you actually don't know how to generate relatedness in a way that can give you a different experience.
Mary hence lived her whole life swimming in shallow waters when she was longing to be immersed in deep relatedness and connection.
She wasn't destined to be alone, and neither are you. The ability to create love is really just a matter of developing new skills and ways of being. Maybe you just have to learn how to swim.
And all I am inviting you to do right now to begin is to take a stand to have the love you desire.
Make the commitment to have a breakthrough, and then begin to identify all of the new ways of relating... all the new skills you can set about learning in order to prepare yourself to have the love and connection you were born to have.
There is a deep sense of aloneness that many of us feel, and it can be both confusing and heartbreaking. You're often left with a sense of being forgotten by life, a little sad and lost, as well as incredibly anxious about the future.
Sometimes others may even tell you that you're fated to be alone.
Psychics that say they see no lover in your future. Astrologers who see a solitary life in your chart. Family members who validate that you're always the only single one at the Thanksgiving table.
But most often you believe that you are fated to be alone in life because you experienced aloneness or abandonment as a child, and the emotional residue from that experience is still alive and well in your psyche.
Or perhaps you can't envision being partnered in life because you simply have not had any positive role models for healthy, lasting intimate relationships that would inspire you to create that experience for yourself.
Today I want to help you see that no matter why you think you may be destined for a lonely life, that it simply isn't true.
You were not born to be alone. Nor were you designed to be alone.
You are designed to love and be loved, and you have the power to learn how to create happy, healthy and satisfying love that is beyond anything you may even have a reference for.
You can actually learn to create intimate, loving, rooted connections that last over time, and you can absolutely find happy, healthy love with your soulmate, no matter what your past experiences have been.
How?
Well... the first step is to take a fierce stand from the depths of your being to have love in your life, even if you don't know how that might happen yet.
You then want to make choices to show up in life in ways that are consistent with this possibility, staying generative of the possibility of love, even in the face of current disappointment and no evidence.
Are you able to see how you may have shown up in ways that have covertly been creating your aloneness in the past?
Sometimes it's hard to see at first, particularly when you have a strong desire to have love in your life. But there are a million covert ways we push love away, even though we may want it with all of our heart.
This willingness to begin to discover yourself as the source of your aloneness is what will open you to your power to co-create the future you desire.
For truly, each and every one of us can learn how to create love, connection and deep fulfillment.
I want to share with you the story of a woman I coached named Mary who asked me how to deal with her long standing pattern of abandonment and aloneness.
An astrologer had once told her that her chart showed "a lot of aloneness" in her life and that she would always have trouble with love.
I remember the pain in Mary's voice as she shared her astrologer's words.
She said, "It's breaking my heart. It's as if I have no choice in this, and so far my astrologer has been right about everything. So, it really feels true."
I asked her if she could relate to this sense that "I am alone" as a belief she held, and NOT as a truth about her life.
Could she get inside her beliefs, and begin to see how she has been showing up in ways that covertly create her reality of aloneness? Could she name some of the ways she's been creating this experience?
When she looked at her life from this perspective, she suddenly began to see things she'd never really noticed before... all of the ways she was pushing love away, in spite of her best efforts to find it.
For example, the gorgeous home she'd created along a magnificent shoreline had not been the invitation for intimacy she'd hoped it would be...
Instead she'd purchased property in an obscure place where most people would have to really travel and make a tremendous effort to come be with her there.
She saw that when she did find herself in relationship, at the first sign of conflict, as a way to try to secure the connection, she would not engage it directly but rather, she built up a wall in her heart.
Then, because she was convinced that the other person would now leave her because there had been a conflict between them, as a preemptive strike against being left, she would actually kill off the relationship.
These were her ways of relating that actually generated the deep experience of loneliness she had.
To break free of her belief in aloneness, we took her deep into her consciousness, which is, for many of us, like going to the level of our soul.
Because our beliefs about ourselves are created when we are very, very young, and we will often continue to live from the same worldview we developed in our childhood.
By going deep into our consciousness to discover the real truth about who we are and what is possible in our lives, we can break free of this early interpretation of who we are.
Otherwise, we will continue to live as though that early interpretation is entirely true and all that is possible for us.
And the reason this upsets and deeply pains people like Mary, and perhaps people like you, is because the real truth is:
Being destined to be alone does not work for you.
Deep down you know you're made for love. You know that you came here to love and be loved. And yet, you just haven't learned how to live from this part of yourself on a conscious level yet.
Please know that this isn't your fault.
The problem for a lot of us today is that we're living in a very insight-oriented culture. You yourself may already know that you have a belief that you are alone in life and yet you can't seem to break free from this worldview.
So, we doggedly try to get to the bottom of the belief. We analyze when we created that belief, what happened, who did what to who.
We think, "Oh if I can just get that one insight... if I can see how such-and-such happened to me as a child, I can somehow break the magic spell and wake up to suddenly have a different experience."
But it doesn't often work that way. Because what's missing is development.
In Mary's case, she grew up in a family of alcoholics. She was never able to learn how to navigate a conflict to a deeper level of bonding, or how to socialize with people in a way that could give her an experience of belonging and really being a part of something.
She couldn't learn these things in her home as a child because her family was pretty shut down.
And so her development was arrested, and whenever development gets arrested you actually don't know how to generate relatedness in a way that can give you a different experience.
Mary hence lived her whole life swimming in shallow waters when she was longing to be immersed in deep relatedness and connection.
She wasn't destined to be alone, and neither are you. The ability to create love is really just a matter of developing new skills and ways of being. Maybe you just have to learn how to swim.
And all I am inviting you to do right now to begin is to take a stand to have the love you desire.
Make the commitment to have a breakthrough, and then begin to identify all of the new ways of relating... all the new skills you can set about learning in order to prepare yourself to have the love and connection you were born to have.
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