Just as our bodies need certain amounts of vitamins and nutrients
to remain healthy and alive, our relationships have needs, that if
not met, can cause it to get sick and perhaps die.
I've divided the "nutritional" needs of a relationship into four
groups.
* Communication
* Physical Intimacy
* Recreation
* Spiritual Growth
How much effort do you put forth to make sure the needs of your
mate are being filled? Now, notice that I did not say YOUR needs.
The common advice I see today is "me, me me." "Take care of
yourself first because nobody else will." Well, that selfish
advice might work for some relationships, but not in blissful ones.
For example, you might only need 10 minutes of physical intimacy
each week whereas only 10 minutes for your mate would make them
starve. If you aren't providing the nutritional needs for your
spouse, they will either wither away in the relationship or try to
find "nutrition" outside of it.
To discover what your needs are individually and as a couple, I
would recommend that you two sit down and create a chart to put on
your refrigerator or elsewhere. Talk about how much time each week
or month both of you need to devote to the four areas above. As
the weeks progress, you can take note of how well you are
fulfilling your goal and alter your requirements as time goes by.
Take each of the four groups and discuss with your mate the various
ways you can fulfill the nutritional requirements in your
relationship. There is more than one way to satisfy each category.
Here are just a few to get you started.
Communication - Calling each other from work, emails to each other,
love letters, talking in bed before going to sleep
Physical intimacy - holding hands, hugging, foot rubs, passionate
intercourse, snuggling on the sofa
Recreation - playing card games, bowling, going out to dinner,
gardening, daily walks (also under communication), going to concerts
Spiritual Growth - meditating and praying together, attending a
small group meeting devoted to spiritual growth, reading a
spiritual book together, attending a church, synagogue or mosque
A lot of men and women make the mistake of thinking that their
mate's "nutritional " needs can be satisfied by others. They
believe friends, coworkers and even children can fulfill all the
communication, recreation and spiritual needs when they aren't
around. That is like saying man-made vitamins can replace the
vitamins that you get out of real food. They can't.
So, that means you should take that evening stroll with your wife
even if you are tired. You should be intimate with your mate when
they request it nicely. If your mate is attending a house of
worship, you should too (whether you get anything out of it isn't
the issue). And yes, you should turn off the TV and talk with your
spouse even if you say you aren't a "talker" - listening is part of
communication too.
If you truly want a thriving and healthy relationship, you need to
learn the "nutritional" needs of your mate and do your best to
fulfill them.
to remain healthy and alive, our relationships have needs, that if
not met, can cause it to get sick and perhaps die.
I've divided the "nutritional" needs of a relationship into four
groups.
* Communication
* Physical Intimacy
* Recreation
* Spiritual Growth
How much effort do you put forth to make sure the needs of your
mate are being filled? Now, notice that I did not say YOUR needs.
The common advice I see today is "me, me me." "Take care of
yourself first because nobody else will." Well, that selfish
advice might work for some relationships, but not in blissful ones.
For example, you might only need 10 minutes of physical intimacy
each week whereas only 10 minutes for your mate would make them
starve. If you aren't providing the nutritional needs for your
spouse, they will either wither away in the relationship or try to
find "nutrition" outside of it.
To discover what your needs are individually and as a couple, I
would recommend that you two sit down and create a chart to put on
your refrigerator or elsewhere. Talk about how much time each week
or month both of you need to devote to the four areas above. As
the weeks progress, you can take note of how well you are
fulfilling your goal and alter your requirements as time goes by.
Take each of the four groups and discuss with your mate the various
ways you can fulfill the nutritional requirements in your
relationship. There is more than one way to satisfy each category.
Here are just a few to get you started.
Communication - Calling each other from work, emails to each other,
love letters, talking in bed before going to sleep
Physical intimacy - holding hands, hugging, foot rubs, passionate
intercourse, snuggling on the sofa
Recreation - playing card games, bowling, going out to dinner,
gardening, daily walks (also under communication), going to concerts
Spiritual Growth - meditating and praying together, attending a
small group meeting devoted to spiritual growth, reading a
spiritual book together, attending a church, synagogue or mosque
A lot of men and women make the mistake of thinking that their
mate's "nutritional " needs can be satisfied by others. They
believe friends, coworkers and even children can fulfill all the
communication, recreation and spiritual needs when they aren't
around. That is like saying man-made vitamins can replace the
vitamins that you get out of real food. They can't.
So, that means you should take that evening stroll with your wife
even if you are tired. You should be intimate with your mate when
they request it nicely. If your mate is attending a house of
worship, you should too (whether you get anything out of it isn't
the issue). And yes, you should turn off the TV and talk with your
spouse even if you say you aren't a "talker" - listening is part of
communication too.
If you truly want a thriving and healthy relationship, you need to
learn the "nutritional" needs of your mate and do your best to
fulfill them.
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