Throwing These Sticks and Stones Will Break Your Bones

by Guy Finley

Key Lesson: The rush to judge some character flaw in another human being is one and the same as the speed with which the false self races to hide from itself a similar imperfection.

Transcending Judgment

In order to transcend those qualities of character we have seen as limiting us, we must become a living example of what we would further understand...

Perhaps we have worked hard to be more aware of ourselves in the Now, and for this effort we catch a glimpse of how quick we are to judge others, to criticize them for their "failings." This pain that strains us -- and those we touch with it -- is itself a creation of a false sense of our own perfection. But our awareness of its punishing presence within us is the same as our invitation to transcend the negative nature that is responsible for it.So, if we want to realize the higher level of Self that reveals the need for further transformation, then we have work to do. We must actualize this new level of ourselves by acting from our new understanding in a whole different way.

It is not enough to just passively receive the lessons we are given. We must act upon their revelations and further clarify their import. This is why our willingness to teachfor the purpose of learning is every bit as important as is our willingness to learn what we must in order to grow.

Following is just one way to teach others, even as we ourselves are transformed by our own actions. It is vital for us to remember that this suggested practice is designed to help us achieve an enhanced spiritual balance in ourselves, even as, through this same action, we teach those around us about the possibility of living from a whole new order of self-understanding.

We teach others when we refuse to make snap judgments. The world around us receives the lesson that it's possible to handle being "between a rock and a hard place" without crushing someone else with the pressure we feel.

Our lesson -- if we will teach it -- is that this same pain pushes us to pounce on others because that's how it keeps its conflicted presence hidden within us

The Importance of Coaching

By Dr. John Berardi

In the past, my default position, when butting up against a challenge or coming face to face with a problem, had been: "everyone out of my way, I'll figure this out myself."

Whether it was a relationship issue, a health issue, a business issue, or even a problem with my car, I figured I had enough intellectual firepower to tackle the issue. I'd buy some books, search Google, learn everything I needed to know, and then go about trying to fix my issue.

Yes, it feels empowering and righteous to be a do-it-yourself kind of person.

After all, I consider myself a pretty intelligent guy. I've earned a host of University degrees (including a PhD). I score in the top percentile on most intelligence tests. I run a successful and thriving company, one that does meaningful work. And I'm generally seen as the go-to guy for family and friends when it comes to solving problems.

However, this idea that I'm a "really smart guy" sometimes gets in my way. It's also distracting, inefficient, and...well...not-so-smart.

I was reminded of this mission critical lesson the other day. I was running errands and returned home to find my home computer network broken down. Since my wife and I work from home offices, that's a pretty big problem.

Being a "smart guy", naturally, I'd set up my own home computer network. So, when I found it broken down, I began a "troubleshooting" process.

(I put troubleshooting in quotes for a reason. Having no formal training in network set-up or administration, I don't really know what the heck I'm doing. So, what I call troubleshooting, others might call, stumbling around blindly in the dark).

I spent about an hour fiddling with settings and made some small improvements. But the network was still busted. And, based on previous experience, it'd likely take me hours (or more) to get this sorted out.

Fortunately, as I was just about to make a classic mistake and dig into this process, my wife and 2-year-old daughter knocked on my office door. It was quittin' time for the day and they wanted to go to the park.

So, instead of ham-fistedly hacking my way though the network process, I called a local network technician I trust. (Someone who's actually trained in the process). She came right over. I took my family to the park.

When we got back, she was gone and the network was fixed. And, not only was it fixed, it was working better than ever before, with more features and capabilities that would make our lives and our work easier.

I called her for a debriefing. Apparently, it took her only 30 minutes to fix the problem and enhance the network. (Remember, I'd already wasted 1 hour on the issue without resolving it).

I asked her to walk me through what she did. And, of course, her fix was something that would have never occurred to me. Even though I've set up networks and home offices in every house I've lived in for the last 15 years.

So, what's the point?

Well, think of this story as an anti-do-it-yourself parable. I know, just saying that feels wrong to me. As an entrepreneur, I'm highly inclined toward do-it-yourself.

Yet, I've also learned that trying to do everything myself, even though I'm capable and "smart," often distracts me from the most important things in my life.

Personally, these important things are my family, my own health and fitness, and my professional goals. They form my own "holy trinity" of meaning. And, in saying yes to anything else, I'm saying no to one of those things, if even for just a little while.

But that's just at the best of times. (I'm lucky as my family, friends, and colleagues are willing to forgive me little diversions from the path).

At the worst of times, trying to do things myself can lead to massive inefficiencies, wasted effort, and tremendous frustration. I've seen this in other people too.

One of my closest friends – honestly, the most intelligent guy I've ever met – is a guy who'd struggled with "relationship issues" his entire dating life. Being a fellow entrepreneur and "smart guy" he figured he could think his way through these issues with that big brain of his. Never worked.

However, after getting some relationship coaching/counseling, he became a different guy. He ended up meeting the type of woman he'd always dreamed about being with. And he's happily married to her today.

As a cool bonus, that coaching spilled out into other areas of his life, and other relationships too. Nowadays, he's more calm, centered, and has a keen perspective that he never had in the past.

We've often discussed how important that coaching and direction really was for him. And, with 100% confidence, he tells me that the counseling didn't just speed up his development. Rather, it took him to a place he'd never have gotten without guidance. His logical, "left-brained", intelligence was killing this kind of progress.

In essence, being smart was the problem.

I see this all the time in the nutrition coaching business. My company runs the world's largest nutrition coaching company. And, every day, really smart people come to us with their hands up in the air.

They've tried to get in shape, or improve their blood markers, on their own. And, although they've made some progress, it just feels too hard to sustain within the context of their lives. Plus, they often want more progress and simply can't make it happen on their own.

This sounds familiar to me. It's the networking problem all over again. Or the relationship problem. Smart people trying to figure things out on their own when help is just a phone call away.

In the end, here's the point I'm trying to make.

Smart people – precisely because they're smart – often think that they can single-handedly solve all their own problems by using their innate intelligence. As a result, they're slow to ask for help and even slower to get coaching.

I totally get it. I was one of those guys for a long time. Thankfully, I'm not any more. I've learned that the smartest thing one can do is to drop the hero act and get some coaching.

It's not just about speeding up the learning process. It's about freeing up your time to say yes to the really important things in your life and no to everything else.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I've got a date with my daughter at the park. 

Everyone Has Rough Days

I had one last Friday. But then I re-read this article and realized I had to share it with you. Enjoy, and make sure you keep a copy on hand in case you ever need a pick me up.

Craig Ballantyne

"Reward yourself. Having big goals is awesome. But you must set smaller "milestone" goals too, goals that you can reach and reward yourself for by doing something cool. And then when we hit that big goal – get yourself that prize. Savor the moment and THEN set the next big goal to achieve." – Bedros Keuilian

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About You

By Frank Kern

Last year I sent this email to my readers:

"I'm sending you this because I just spent some time with my Grandfather today. He will turn 89 in a few weeks and when I was younger, he would tell me:

Let me tell you something about YOU.

YOU can do anything you want. YOU are in control.

YOU can achieve as much success as you want to.

YOU can and will pick yourself up when life knocks you down.

I BELIEVE IN YOU.

And let me tell you ...I've been knocked on my butt more times than I can count. And it was those words that gave me the encouragement to get back up and keep trying.

We all need someone in our corner. He was in mine.

I'll be in yours to the best of my ability.

We're inundated with so much negative crap these days, we ALL need someone to encourage us.

Look, if you're struggling, I've been there, and I can tell you first hand that it'll get better if you keep on trying.

I believe in you. Go for it."

But when I first wrote that last year, I was a mess.

I was unhappy with my business (even though it was making plenty of money).

I was miserable in my family life, and I was literally on the brink of dying young.

Seriously.

A few months after typing that very message, I went to the doctor for some random tests and so-forth. (I'd been feeling a bit run down for a long time.)

Anyway - after some testing, the doctor hit me with a dire warning:

KEEP IT UP AND YOU'RE A DEAD MAN.

Apparently, you can't party like a rock star from age 15 until age 38 and get away with it.

But that's exactly what I'd been doing, which is why I was literally on the brink of catastrophic liver failure. Plus, my blood pressure was off the charts.

The doctor gave me the Big Lecture and I actually listened.

Within 6 months, I'd totally cleaned up my act and lost 20 pounds of fat.

Fast forward to today and I have an entirely different and significantly happier life.

My health is good, my business is good, and I enjoy my family life so much that I closed down my office and only work from home.

I even have a new son who just turned 8-weeks old!

(He'll be writing headlines by summer.)

Here's the point:

If you're looking back on the past year and you're NOT happy with where you are now, it will NEVER get better. Not if you keep doing the same stuff that's gotten you the results you're not happy with.

If this is you then let me do you the same favor my Doctor did for me.

Let me tell you straight:

You gotta change what you're doing.

It's not working.

If it was, you'd be thrilled with your progress since my message to you a year ago.

But if you're not, then it's time to change.

Here's how to do it:

1. Get absolutely focused on what you really want.

Do this by turning off the computer and just writing down the answer to this question:

"What do I REALLY want?"

Forget what the emails tell you SHOULD want.

Forget what anyone else WANTS you to want.

This is about YOU.

What do you really want?

Want to run off and play guitar in coffee shops across South America?

Good. You only live once. Be happy. Play "Freebird" at least once. For me. Thank you.

Whatever you do, get clear. Otherwise you're ripe for falling into someone else's agenda.

2. Dump The Crap Out Of Your Brain.

You do this by writing down a huge list of everything you think you must do to in order to do what you REALLY want.

Just doing that will kind of "clear it from your brain" and free up space in your "mental computer's" RAM.

3. Decide what's doable.

You know that big list you just made that's probably scaring you?

Go through it and put star by all the stuff you can actually do.

4. Decide what you can do NOW.

Now. You know all the stuff with stars by it?

The stuff you can actually DO?

Go through all of it and find the stuff you can do in the next 30 days.

Put two stars by those items.

5. Forget the other stuff.

All the other stuff can be dealt with later.

Now - let me address critics in the audience who want to debate whether or not that's a good strategy.

"Isn't that procrastination?"

"Isn't that other stuff important?"

The answer to both questions is ...probably!

But here's the deal.

You can't do anything about it right now, and if you worry about it then you're just taking away focus and energy from the stuff you CAN do.

And that's not going to get you anywhere.

Also - actually DO the "immediately doable" things for the next 30 days, my experience tells me that your momentum will be so great you'll actually be able to easily do a lot of the things from your list you originally thought were impossible for you.

You'll also have new clarity and will probably find that much of the other stuff on the list isn't even needed.

6. Get to work.

Listen.

If you get all caught up on the little details, you'll be in the same place a year from now.

Don't let that happen.

7. Accept Reality

You want to know something?

This is NOT going to be easy.

Remember how I told you I lost 20 pounds of fat?

Man, that first week in the gym was a nightmare.

And to make matters worse, my trainer (who is a terrible person) would make me display my physical weakness in front of girls!

So not only was it hard, it was embarrassing!

I was failing in public.

But that's what it took so I did it.

And in the end, it wasn't so bad.

So if I can muster up the gumption to struggle through my first few pushups in front of a room full of pretty girls, you can break through your comfort zone too.

You can do it. I believe in you

How Busy People Feel

The other day I was doing a coaching call with one of my executive clients, and she said no matter how much she planned to get done during the day, she always felt stressed out at 5pm when it was time to go home to her family. She never felt like she accomplished everything she wanted, and frankly, she was feeling burnout from this routine. We spent the next hour overcoming this obstacle. If you ever feel the same way, I have great news. Today, my friend and mentor Yanik Silver gives you four ways to remove burnout from your life.

Craig Ballantyne

"A man is rich in proportion to the number of things he can afford to let alone." – Henry David Thoreau



4 Ways You Can Avoid – or Recover From – Burnout


By Yanik Silver

Nearly every successful person I know has grappled with burnout. I've personally gone through it and come out the other side several times. I did it by using these four techniques:

1. Truly disconnect.

In today's business world, we are constantly tethered to our BlackBerries and "always-on" connections. As a result, when we truly disconnect from time to time, the effect is almost magical.

By "disconnecting," I mean being totally out of touch with work.

On a recent trip to Baja, for example, I did something that might seem a bit over the top: I "black holed" all my e-mails during that week. Everyone who e-mailed me got an automatic response letting them know who to contact for help or support while I was gone, and asking them to e-mail me again after my return if they still needed me. Then their e-mail was deleted.

Most businesspeople are scared to death to do this, worrying that they might miss something incredibly urgent. Then they come back from vacation and are even more stressed out than they were before they left, because they've got 2,313 e-mails sitting in their inbox.

If you just sorta disconnect instead of completely disconnect, there's always a tiny voice in the back of your head replaying, over and over again: "Wow! I wonder how much e-mail I'll have to catch up on? I wonder what's going on back at the office?" You've got to totally cut this off to free up more "Psychic RAM" in your head.

2. Refocus on your successes.

Many times, the feeling of burnout occurs because things are NOT going "right." Keeping in mind that "right" is a relative term (and I believe everything ends up the way it should be, no matter what), the way to overcome this form of burnout is to change your focus.

Focusing your energy on what's wrong only creates an endless spiral of more and more negativity. Instead, take out a piece of paper and start making a list of every "victory" you've had during this year, this quarter, this month, or this day. When you do that, selective perception kicks in... and you'll see that there is significantly more good than bad going on.

3. Set a major goal that you cannot achieve on your own.

I admit, I've only just started doing this. But I can already see how it leads to a powerful change of direction, intention, and motivation. And that can get anyone out of a funk.

I'm talking about setting what Jim Collins and Jerry Porras call a "Big Hairy Audacious Goal" or BHAG – a concept they introduced in their book Built to Last. This is the kind of goal that rallies the troops and gets them to transcend what they themselves thought was possible. One famous example is Microsoft's original goal of "A computer on every desk and in every home."

Our company's 2020 BEHAG is three-fold:
Motivate, inspire, and educate 1,000,000 young entrepreneurs to start their own ventures.
"Maverick-ize" 1,000,000 successful entrepreneurs to buy into the philosophy of making more, having more fun, and giving more.
Have 1,000,000 cumulative items checked off entrepreneurs' BIG life lists.
And the ultimate goal is to change the way business is played. To me that means bringing more fun into business and never doing things the same way they've been done.

4. Get back to the fun.

Think back to when you were a kid – to the things that got you really jazzed and excited. What did you like to do? For me, it was playing sports, drawing, and making people laugh. That's why I still play ice hockey and beach volleyball. Why I've taken art classes and stand-up comedy classes. I make sure I incorporate activities into my life that give me enjoyment by making them a priority.

How many times have you heard yourself saying, "I'd love to ___ BUT I can't because I'm too busy." That's total B.S. What you're really saying is that you have not made that activity enough of a priority in your life. Or that you feel guilty about having fun.

For most entrepreneurs, work is our default setting unless we have something else scheduled. Don't settle for enjoying life only when you can squeeze it in between business. Put fun activities, rewarding experiences, and exceptional adventures on your calendar and protect them like you would any other appointment

Goodwill Hunting

We had journeyed halfway across the world because of the power of this one word. Our path took us from Denver to Vancouver (via Seattle), then on to Hong Kong, followed by a detour to Thailand, before finally arriving at our destination in Kuala Lumpur, Malyasia. Matt Smith and I traveled over 10,000 miles to share our thoughts on this topic and to learn from a company, MindValley.com, that has mastered this principle. Today, you'll discover the importance of this one word.

Craig Ballantyne

"So many of our dreams at first seem impossible, then they seem improbable, and then, when we summon the will, they soon become inevitable." – Christopher Reeve

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The Power of Goodwill

By Craig Ballantyne

Imagine going into an Apple store, investing $900 in an iPhone (purchased without a contract), and still coming away feeling like you owe the company something.

Sounds bizarre, doesn't it?

Well, it's not. At least not according to ETR Publisher, Matt Smith. "I bought my iPhone out of my service contract, so it cost me almost $900. Even though I overpaid for the product I feel like I still owe them. I feel like they did something for me. As I hold it in my hand I can appreciate it because it is unique. I can see that the designers of this phone really poured their heart and soul into this product."

"There is an enormous amount of attention to detail and energy, effort, and even love that went into this product. I can see it and feel it every time I use it. Even when that transaction was finished there was something leftover and that something is still there, and that's goodwill."

If you're an accountant, you'll recognize Goodwill as a business term. If you're not an accountant, here's the definition according to Wikipedia: "Goodwill is an accounting concept meaning the value of an entity over and above the value of its assets. The term was originally used in accounting to express the intangible but quantifiable 'prudent value' of an ongoing business beyond its assets, resulting perhaps because the reputation the firm enjoyed with its clients."

Goodwill actually sits on a company's balance sheet and reflects a company's brand. As the brand grows, goodwill actually accrues in value.

Matt used to think that the idea of goodwill was kind of silly, that it didn't make sense that so much value could be associated with an intangible such as the concept of goodwill.

Something in the last couple of years has inspired Matt to change his mind. "I think that if you're transitioning from a transactional business to building a real business you start to see how goodwill is really what it's all about. Goodwill is the transmission of the heart, soul and love that's put into the products that you create."

How can you create goodwill in your business (or even in your career, if you are employed by someone else)?

First, you can put extra effort into creating and selling beautiful merchandise, like Apple, BMW, or Montblanc pens.

Second, you can overdeliver.

Third, you provide extraordinary customer service.

Zappos is a company that has mastered both, through their shipping policies and their contrarian approach to extreme customer service.

But what if you run an Internet-based business that delivers digital products?

Well, that was Matt's job to explain the concept of 'digital' goodwill to the team at MindValley, the organization we were visiting in Kuala Lumpur. MindValley creates beautiful websites that sell meditation and personal development products.

Matt was straightforward about the difficulty in building goodwill when all you're selling is, "digital ones and zeros that no one can see and hold in their hand". Building goodwill when selling information products can be hard.

In fact, as Matt explained, "Most of the time when someone buys a digital product when they leave they feel just a tiny bit screwed after the purchase. It's probably on a subconscious level. It's not that the product wasn't good and it's not that they're going to ask for a refund. They're not even disappointed. But at the end of the transaction I believe that there is this sense that you kind of owe the customer instead of the customer owing you."

That's a problem. With a digital product it's almost impossible for the consumer to feel and touch and really experience the deep love, effort, energy, and heart and soul that went into the product creation. That's why information marketers need to work extra hard to build goodwill. Fortunately, there is a simple solution.

"Creating great products is a start. Standing behind your promises and your guarantees is a key. All those basics are there. But, I think you have to go above that," Matt said to the young group of MindValley employees spread out on their bean bag chairs is the aptly named, "Hall of Awesomeness" where we were gathered. "I think you have to raise the bar well above that and content is a way to do it – free content, great content that's intriguing and valuable, that makes a difference in the lives of your readers."


Matt speaking in the MindValley "Hall of Awesomeness"

"The way we do it at Early to Rise, and frankly the way the largest online publishers in the world do it," Matt explained, "is through daily editorial content that is excellent and is given away for free. The idea is that both our customers and non-customers have the opportunity to see what we're about and to receive value from us every day without us ever demanding anything in return for that. That can create goodwill in an Internet business."

It is our goal at ETR to make significant deposits of goodwill every day through our editorial and our customer service. In the future, we plan to incorporate improved product and website design, video content, and a supportive community into our ecosystem to foster even more goodwill among our readers and customers.

Content is one of the best ways, but not the only way to create goodwill with an Internet business. As Matt pointed out in his presentation, MindValley does an excellent job of creating goodwill through their customer service, fostering their customer community, and most importantly, their website design aesthetics that leave readers with a sense of bliss just from visiting the site.

Matt concluded his presentation to the MindValley team by saying, "The key if you want to build a long term business is that you must start making deposits of goodwill. And the easiest way to accomplish that is to help your customers see that this isn't just about a transaction for you, that your heart and soul is going into these things that you're creating, that literally your life force is being spent in order to add value to their lives. If they can see that then it will affect goodwill in a very significant way."

If you are in this for the long haul, and you want to do it right, we encourage you to think about the concept of goodwill in everything you do.

As Matt finished his presentation to the MindValley team, "Work your butt off to let your customers know you love them. That's how you truly create goodwill."