How I Conquered My Biggest Retirement Fear

I'm one of those folks that will likely not ever retire - voluntarily, but still, I thank my mother for getting me started on saving my money from before I was 12 years old. And while the concept of retirement might be foreign to me, it's not for many ETR readers. Today, Bob Irish, one of Mark Ford's good friends, shares a valuable lesson you can apply to your retirement goals today.

Craig Ballantyne

"Nothing wins more often than superior preparation. Genius is usually preparation." - Kekich Credo #73

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By Bob Irish

When she said, "twice the husband, half the income," I had to laugh. I had just asked Jane, whose husband Phil had retired a few months ago, how retirement was going. Her answer underscored the two fundamental issues in retirement.

One is psychological. The other is financial. We'll be looking at both sides of retirement in this series of monthly essays.

I had more than a passing interest in Jane's response to my "How's retirement going" question. I was maybe three months away from calling it quits myself. And I was already filled with anxiety about it. Her answer didn't make me feel any better, either... particularly the "half the income" part. 

Some of my discomfort revolved around the phrase "I'm on a fixed income." I knew I was close to having to utter those words when describing myself. 

For me, "fixed income" had always conjured up images of scarcity. Things like buying used tires, using rabbit-ear antennas, and drinking grain alcohol. But even those things didn't look so bad when compared to my biggest fear about retirement: 

Being forced to live on a budget. 

The thought of actually having to live on one terrified me. My bride didn't think much of the idea, either. 

My aversion to budgets goes way back. I was 10 years old when my parents started giving me an allowance. Fifty cents per week. Now, $0.50 went a lot further in those days. But there was still too much of the week left when the money ran out. 

So I got a paper route. And started knocking back $2.50 per week. Woo-hoo! Big stuff. I could now go to the hobby shop and buy a model car without having to save up for two months. 

What a thrill spending that money was! I've never forgotten how good it made me feel. That allowance was my first experience with fixed income and a budget. I knew I never wanted to go back. 

But 50 years later, I was going back. To a fixed income. I worried about a diminished quality of life. I worried about feeling deprived. 

I know this may sound shallow. Sure, the best things in life are free. But still. Any change is anxiety producing. And I suspected this was going to be a big one.

How big (or small) was my fixed income going to be? There was only one way to find out: by doing a financial X-ray. 

So for the first time in 30 years, I took a complete inventory of assets and expenses. And it raised some questions. 

Why, for example, was I a member of two golf clubs in the same town? I didn't play enough golf to justify being a member of one club, let alone two. So I resigned from one club. Savings? $12,000 annually.

There were a number of other nonessential expenses I was able to reduce or eliminate. Things I wouldn't miss at all. For example, the third car I hardly ever drove. Or the vacant lot I was never going to build on. As I added up the savings, I only wished I had done the X-ray years ago. 

But I knew why I hadn't done it years ago. I was scared. Not having a budget was one of the ways I defined freedom. And spending money gave me pleasure. Who wants to give up freedom and pleasure?

I was also afraid of what an X-ray might reveal. Maybe it would challenge the notions I had about myself. Denial is a powerful mechanism. I actually thought I was fairly prudent from a financial point of view. 

And what if the X-ray suggested some kind of budget might be in order? I already knew I didn't want to go there. No way. But when you retire, everything changes (see Jane's comment above). 

Today, I use a tool that I call my "Retirement Spending Plan." And I can tell you that my fears of a fixed income and any kind of budget were way overblown. The quality of my life has not been diminished. In fact, it's been enhanced. My Retirement Spending Plan makes spending money a genuine, guilt-free pleasure. And no one is more surprised at this than I am.

Why is being on this Retirement Spending Plan better? It has a lot to do with the absence of a stressful internal dialogue. 

Before I started using my Retirement Spending Plan, with every significant purchase, the conversation would go something like this. "Is this a need-to-have? Or is this just a want-to-have? Am I being responsible or frivolous? How will I feel about this later on? Shouldn't I really be saving more money? Am I paying too much? Is this wasteful?" 

And so on. In the end, with most purchases, it was "What the hell, just buy it." So I did. And I'd get the rush that comes from the pleasure of spending.

But later on, I'd often have buyer's remorse. And a touch of guilt and anxiety. Perhaps I should be saving more money for retirement.

Today, the buying decision is much simpler. No internal debate. Is it in the Retirement Spending Plan? If so, then it's a yes.

Let me give you an example. In September, my wife and I took a month-long road trip throughout the Western United States. Before the Retirement Spending Plan, I would've agonized (internally, of course) about the cost of every hotel room and meal.

But now I have a travel plan. We'd already allocated the money for this trip. It was almost like it had been paid for. So it didn't feel like money out of pocket. Mentally, I had already spent it. I could simply relax and enjoy the vacation. And the spending gave me a great deal of pleasure. With no regrets.

Another reason my Retirement Spending Plan works so well is the way it makes you feel. It's kind of like being in good physical shape. I'm lighter. I feel like I've slimmed down. I've gotten rid of the excess fat. The extra weight. And it feels good. Almost virtuous. 

It's funny. For most of my life, I refused to budget because I felt it would restrict my pleasure and freedom. And while I've cut my expenses dramatically, I'm no less happy than I was when I was living large. In fact, I'm far happier. And free from the guilt and anxiety that were part of my life before I started using my Retirement Spending Plan.
 
Today, I have a much healthier relationship with my money. I'm more in control of my life and finances than I have been in years. I only wish I'd done it sooner.

So that's the takeaway. If you haven't done an X-ray of your financial life, do it now. And start using the Retirement Spending Plan.

To help you, here's what mine looks like. You'll probably need to delete some of my items and add some of your own, but it should be a useful starting point. The items fall into three categories.

The numbers in red are expenses for which you typically have no wiggle room. Things like homeowner association dues and property taxes. The numbers in yellow are fixed expenses but ones for which it might be possible to lower your costs. Most of your insurance premiums are in this category. Finally, the numbers in green are typically more flexible, such as expenses for a personal trainer and your travel plans.

Why You Must Give to Receive More in Life

Human nature sure is funny. We want to believe. We live to believe. Finding a guru, putting our faith in them, and believing what they tell us - without checking the facts - is hardwired into our minds. Sounds like a recipe for disaster, right? Well, it's not always. Today you'll discover how to use this to make the world a better place.

Craig Ballantyne

"One person gives freely, yet gains even more; another withholds unduly, but comes to poverty. A generous person will prosper; whoever refreshes others will be refreshed."- Proverbs 11:24-25

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By Craig Ballantyne


On Saturday afternoon I met an Internet multimillionaire colleague of mine in Ann Arbor, Michigan at Qdoba. He was generous enough to treat me to a lunch of a Naked Burrito and water.

But more important, we had a great conversation about what's working in sales letters, copy, promotions, front-end sales funnels, and back-end upsells.

We gave each other advice and held nothing back, and as a result we both walked away with fresh insights into how our businesses could grow.

And that's today's lesson: Give, and you shall receive more in life.

People often ask me, "How can you build a business when you give away so much for free?"

Well, here's the truth.

No matter how much information you give away, people will ALWAYS think that you are holding something back.

Take this website and my articles, for instance.

I'll bet that most Early To Rise readers still think,

"There's a lot of great information here, BUT there's still some secret that Craig and Matt Smith are NOT telling us. There has to be one more magical secret to success."

Likewise, when I was a personal trainer, my clients always believed that - no matter how much I told them - that there was still one secret fat loss secret that I wasn't sharing.

That goes for every industry, right?

It's human nature to believe that the "gurus" are always holding back "The Secret."

(This was probably even true of the millions of people that watched "The Secret." Oh, and it was true, because that movie forgot to mention the real secret - WORK. But that's another essay for another day.)

Back to my online and offline businesses.

Even when we simplify things as much as possible, even when we tell people that diet is more important than exercise and you just have to eat less and move more, the end user STILL thinks that there is a trick to it.

That's just human behavior.

We always want to believe in the mysticism that there is still another easier secret to success out there.

You know it's true.

I bet you have some incredible stories in your own life and business where you've told people EVERYTHING you know about a subject and they still ask, "So what's the secret?"

We're wired for this for some strange reason.

Heck, I still feel that way about Mark Ford's content, sometimes.

Surely there must be ONE more thing that he isn't telling us about how he built his multimillion dollar businesses, surely there must be one more secret that can give me faster results, surely there must be something more?

We all refuse to believe the simple and we demand something more complex.

It is an irrational belief that exists in every market, that no matter how much information has been given, that there is still one secret being held back.

And so that is why you can give away plenty of free advice, attracting people into your world with goodwill and good wisdom, and they will still buy.

You build up the Know-Like-Trust (KLT) factor with free content and then you continue to deliver more great wisdom and step-by-step guidelines in your paid content, and people will still buy, because they believe that you are hiding something.

So that's why you can give away so much free content and build up tremendous amounts of Goodwill with your readers and prospects and they will STILL buy from you.

Start giving more.

In fact, I dare you to try and out-give the universe.

You'll lose every time.

More will come back to you the more you give.

It always will...

...because your prospects and clients will never give up hope of discovering that one last secret they think you are holding back.

And while there really is no secret sauce, the implications here are big.

Our irrational beliefs as consumers make it easy for you to:

a) Create more products, give more seminars, and do more selling. That's why you must always be creating and selling, because your happy clients want more.

b) Be everywhere that matters, being someone to the right people, and doing something dramatically. Dan Kennedy calls this the Principle of Extreme Visibility, and it's a mandatory rule to follow in your quest for a 6-figure and 7-figure income.

"Be someone. Be somewhere. Do something." - Dan Kennedy

Give away free content to build your business, and know that we silly humans will never be satisfied with what you give away, because we always believe that you have more, that one secret that you are holding back.

We'll never give up our belief.

We'll always think there is something more.

So keep on delivering.

Expanding Your Mental Paradigm

Why You Must Expand Your Mind

Imagine if all you did in life was live in the same house, do the same job, and hang around the same people as you did when you were 14 years old (assuming you had a job back then). What type of personal growth would you have? Not too much, right? We need new experiences, new connections, and new lessons to become a better version of ourselves. The mind and its mental paradigms determine where we'll go in life. Robert Ringer explains this today.

Craig Ballantyne

"Sometimes adversity is what you need to face in order to become successful...If you learn from defeat, you haven't really lost." - Zig Ziglar

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By Robert Ringer

Motivational speakers and authors have long insisted that it's possible to exert a great deal of control over your destiny by having a positive outlook on life.  Even though problems are an integral part of the living experience, they believe that the key to success is how you react to those problems.  So, are they right?  Or is it all just a bunch of motivational hype?

When Napoleon Hill, in his classic Think and Grow Rich, first penned such statements as "Anything the mind can conceive and believe, it can achieve" and "When you're ready for a thing, it will make it's appearance," they weren't just frivolous thoughts.  He based his beliefs on centuries of empirical evidence drawn from human experience. 

As modern scientific research has rapidly accelerated its pace, creditable cases, such as Norman Cousins' well-publicized recovery from a diagnosed terminal illness, gained more and more attention.  Cousins, who finally passed away in 1990, was famous for his amazing mind-power cure that he described in his best-selling book, "Anatomy of An Illness." 

Cousins had a friend bring a movie projector to his hospital room and spent months watching hilarious movies like those of the Marx Brothers.  As a result, he believed that he literally laughed himself out of his disease.  What is particularly impressive about Cousins' case is that even his doctors agreed that his mental state was the crucial determinate in his overcoming his "incurable" illness for so many years.

Since then, scientific researchers have made dramatic strides in discovering the major role that the mind plays in producing results.  Of particular interest is the research done by Dr. Karl Pribram, a neurosurgeon who has convincingly demonstrated that there is a direct correlation between what the mind visualizes and the results a person achieves. 

Dr. Pribram's Theory of Holographic Memory contends that the mind houses three-dimensional holographic images of what it envisions, which in turn stimulates the senses to translate those images into their physical, real-life equivalents.  More precisely, when your mind believes something to be true, it stimulates your senses to draw to you the things, people, and circumstances necessary to convert the mental image it houses into a physical reality.

Thus, there is nothing at all mystical about the power of the mind to control a person's destiny.  On the contrary, it's a phenomenon that is scientific in nature.  Therefore, the individual who desires to achieve a genuine positive mental attitude (as opposed to the superficial rah-rah stuff) would be wise to study and learn how the powers of the mind can, indeed, draw to him the things, people, and circumstances necessary to convert his desires into results.

Based on the evidence, you might say that a good way to start getting what you want in life is to develop the habit of imagining that you already have it.  For example, let's go back to Napoleon Hill's statement, "When you're ready for a thing, it will make its appearance."  Have you ever heard something for years, then suddenly the right person, in the right place, at the right time says it in just the right way, and you say something like, "Wow, what a great thought!"  Then a friend or spouse says, "But I've been telling you that for years, and you've never gotten excited about it before.  What's the big deal?" 

The big deal was that prior to that time your mind was not ready to receive the information, so you didn't really believe it.  Then, when it finally hit you like a sledgehammer, it was because you were at a point in your life when you were ready to hear it, ready to absorb it, ready to act on it.  Thus, it created the illusion that it magically made its appearance at that particular moment. 

But it wasn't really magic at all.  Rather, it was a result of raising your awareness level and expanding your "mental paradigm."  I use the term mental paradigm to describe an imaginary box within your mind, a box that houses what you believe to be the world of the possible.  Conversely, everything that lies outside the perimeter of that box represents the world of the impossible to you. 

It's the combination of what lies both inside and outside of this imaginary box that forms what is commonly known as your "system of beliefs."  What determines on which side of the box's boundaries something lies are your experiences, your environment, your knowledge, your wisdom -- everything you've been exposed to throughout your life. 

To the extent you have accumulated a great deal of knowledge and wisdom, not only will more possibilities lie inside the boundaries of your mental paradigm, the paradigm itself will be expanded; i.e., your mind will be more open to new ideas, new concepts, and new possibilities.  On the other hand, to the extent you have not done much to improve your mind through reading, learning from others, and firsthand experience, you will tend to have a much smaller mental paradigm.

Thus, it's a cycle:  The more knowledge and wisdom you have, the more likely you are to believe in your power to control your destiny; the more you believe you have the power to control your destiny, the more expanded your mental paradigm will be; and the more expanded your mental paradigm is, the more knowledge and wisdom you will accumulate. 

Start the new year by making a commitment to put more effort into improving yourself (particularly when it comes to knowledge and wisdom) than you put into your job or profession.  When you do so, you will be absolutely amazed at how your mental paradigm naturally expands and how that, in turn, will draw to you the things, people, and circumstances you need to accomplish your goals. 

Trust me, it works!

The First Chakra

The existence and functionality of the chakra system is the basis of many ancient practices such as acupuncture, martial arts, reiki and yoga. Each of us have seven major chakras that begin at the base of the spine and extend up the spine through to the crown of the head. These areas store energy and send it out through the meridians (a path through life-energy or your “qi” flows)  to service the entire physical body.

Chakras can wax and wane in their strength and vibrancy. They can even become blocked and stagnant like ponds that don’t have enough flow. So it’s not an exaggeration to say that complete health of body and mind begins and ends with the health of the chakras.

Each of the seven major chakras deal with different aspects of the body, the mind and the soul, although all seven chakras are interconnected and interdependent.

Probably the most common chakra to be in a weakened state is the First Chakra. Sometimes called the Root Chakra, the First Chakra is located at the very base of your spine. It deals with issues of physical survival, safety and security and is blocked and weakened by fear and insecurity.
Which is why it deserves some extra love and attention, because the First Chakra acts as a pump at the base of the chakra system that helps energy rise and flow. If this base pump is weak, work done on the other chakras won’t be as effective.
So look out for these signs, and work on strengthening your First Chakra using the guide below:
Five Signs Your First Chakra is Weak

1. You feel a general lack of physical energy and vitality resulting in a lackluster will to create.

2. Your sense of well-being is highly dependent upon external circumstances. So long as everything is going smoothly and to your liking, you feel OK, but when circumstances aren’t to your liking, you feel insecure.

3. You feel a general lack of confidence in dealing with anything outside your comfort zone.

4. You believe that money creates security and that there is an amount of money that if attained, would guarantee your security.

5. You experience any of the following physical symptoms on a frequent or recurring basis: eating disorders, adrenal fatigue, foot and leg pains and injuries, rectal or colon problems, immune disorders or bone disorders.

Five Things You Can Do To Strengthen Your First Chakra

1. Make a list of everything you tend to think of as providing your sense of security. Now cross off any items on that list that could be taken away from you without your permission. What is left? Anything? Now, make another list titled, “Things That Can Never Be Taken From Me.” You might have to reflect a little more on this list – but it’s worth the time to do so. These are the true source of your security.

2. Reconnect your body to the earth in some physical way. Walk barefoot in the dirt or go outside and sit beneath a large tree, resting your back against the trunk. Spend time reflecting on all the ways you are supported like nature.

3. Sing the word “grow”, holding out the “oh” sound as long as your breath allows. The word grow provides the proper vowel sound and has meaning related to the First Chakra. As you hold out the “oh” sound, bring your attention to the base of your spine and feel it vibrating and glowing red, sending life and health to your entire lower body.

4. Do the “Mudra Lock” breath. From any sitting position, inhale deeply into your lower belly. Now hold the breath in and tightly squeeze everything from your navel to your buttocks. Hold the squeeze for a few counts. Exhale, and with the breath held out, repeat the squeezing and holding for another few counts. As you are squeezing, try to feel the energy rising up your spine and reaching the crown of your head.

Perform the “Seated Pelvic Rotation” yoga asana below:

 

Sit in a cross-legged position and grab your knees with your hands. Slowly rotate your hips and waist in a clockwise circle. Imagine that your navel is tracing as wide a circle around your seated center position as possible.

Use your arms as leverage (as shown by figures 2 and 3). Keep the movement slow and steady, breathing naturally but without trying to synchronize your breath with your movement. Breathe through your nose if you can.

Continue this clockwise movement for twenty to thirty seconds. Now reverse the direction and begin in a counter clockwise direction, for another twenty to thirty seconds.

The First Chakra

The existence and functionality of the chakra system is the basis of many ancient practices such as acupuncture, martial arts, reiki and yoga. Each of us have seven major chakras that begin at the base of the spine and extend up the spine through to the crown of the head. These areas store energy and send it out through the meridians (a path through life-energy or your “qi” flows)  to service the entire physical body.

Chakras can wax and wane in their strength and vibrancy. They can even become blocked and stagnant like ponds that don’t have enough flow. So it’s not an exaggeration to say that complete health of body and mind begins and ends with the health of the chakras.

Each of the seven major chakras deal with different aspects of the body, the mind and the soul, although all seven chakras are interconnected and interdependent.

Probably the most common chakra to be in a weakened state is the First Chakra. Sometimes called the Root Chakra, the First Chakra is located at the very base of your spine. It deals with issues of physical survival, safety and security and is blocked and weakened by fear and insecurity.
Which is why it deserves some extra love and attention, because the First Chakra acts as a pump at the base of the chakra system that helps energy rise and flow. If this base pump is weak, work done on the other chakras won’t be as effective.
So look out for these signs, and work on strengthening your First Chakra using the guide below:
Five Signs Your First Chakra is Weak

1. You feel a general lack of physical energy and vitality resulting in a lackluster will to create.

2. Your sense of well-being is highly dependent upon external circumstances. So long as everything is going smoothly and to your liking, you feel OK, but when circumstances aren’t to your liking, you feel insecure.

3. You feel a general lack of confidence in dealing with anything outside your comfort zone.

4. You believe that money creates security and that there is an amount of money that if attained, would guarantee your security.

5. You experience any of the following physical symptoms on a frequent or recurring basis: eating disorders, adrenal fatigue, foot and leg pains and injuries, rectal or colon problems, immune disorders or bone disorders.

Five Things You Can Do To Strengthen Your First Chakra

1. Make a list of everything you tend to think of as providing your sense of security. Now cross off any items on that list that could be taken away from you without your permission. What is left? Anything? Now, make another list titled, “Things That Can Never Be Taken From Me.” You might have to reflect a little more on this list – but it’s worth the time to do so. These are the true source of your security.

2. Reconnect your body to the earth in some physical way. Walk barefoot in the dirt or go outside and sit beneath a large tree, resting your back against the trunk. Spend time reflecting on all the ways you are supported like nature.

3. Sing the word “grow”, holding out the “oh” sound as long as your breath allows. The word grow provides the proper vowel sound and has meaning related to the First Chakra. As you hold out the “oh” sound, bring your attention to the base of your spine and feel it vibrating and glowing red, sending life and health to your entire lower body.

4. Do the “Mudra Lock” breath. From any sitting position, inhale deeply into your lower belly. Now hold the breath in and tightly squeeze everything from your navel to your buttocks. Hold the squeeze for a few counts. Exhale, and with the breath held out, repeat the squeezing and holding for another few counts. As you are squeezing, try to feel the energy rising up your spine and reaching the crown of your head.

Perform the “Seated Pelvic Rotation” yoga asana below:

 

Sit in a cross-legged position and grab your knees with your hands. Slowly rotate your hips and waist in a clockwise circle. Imagine that your navel is tracing as wide a circle around your seated center position as possible.

Use your arms as leverage (as shown by figures 2 and 3). Keep the movement slow and steady, breathing naturally but without trying to synchronize your breath with your movement. Breathe through your nose if you can.

Continue this clockwise movement for twenty to thirty seconds. Now reverse the direction and begin in a counter clockwise direction, for another twenty to thirty seconds.

The existence and functionality of the chakra system is the basis of many ancient practices such as acupuncture, martial arts, reiki and yoga. Each of us have seven major chakras that begin at the base of the spine and extend up the spine through to the crown of the head. These areas store energy and send it out through the meridians (a path through life-energy or your “qi” flows)  to service the entire physical body.

Chakras can wax and wane in their strength and vibrancy. They can even become blocked and stagnant like ponds that don’t have enough flow. So it’s not an exaggeration to say that complete health of body and mind begins and ends with the health of the chakras.

Each of the seven major chakras deal with different aspects of the body, the mind and the soul, although all seven chakras are interconnected and interdependent.
The First Chakra
Probably the most common chakra to be in a weakened state is the First Chakra. Sometimes called the Root Chakra, the First Chakra is located at the very base of your spine. It deals with issues of physical survival, safety and security and is blocked and weakened by fear and insecurity.
Which is why it deserves some extra love and attention, because the First Chakra acts as a pump at the base of the chakra system that helps energy rise and flow. If this base pump is weak, work done on the other chakras won’t be as effective.
So look out for these signs, and work on strengthening your First Chakra using the guide below:
Five Signs Your First Chakra is Weak

1. You feel a general lack of physical energy and vitality resulting in a lackluster will to create.

2. Your sense of well-being is highly dependent upon external circumstances. So long as everything is going smoothly and to your liking, you feel OK, but when circumstances aren’t to your liking, you feel insecure.

3. You feel a general lack of confidence in dealing with anything outside your comfort zone.

4. You believe that money creates security and that there is an amount of money that if attained, would guarantee your security.

5. You experience any of the following physical symptoms on a frequent or recurring basis: eating disorders, adrenal fatigue, foot and leg pains and injuries, rectal or colon problems, immune disorders or bone disorders.

Five Things You Can Do To Strengthen Your First Chakra

1. Make a list of everything you tend to think of as providing your sense of security. Now cross off any items on that list that could be taken away from you without your permission. What is left? Anything? Now, make another list titled, “Things That Can Never Be Taken From Me.” You might have to reflect a little more on this list – but it’s worth the time to do so. These are the true source of your security.

2. Reconnect your body to the earth in some physical way. Walk barefoot in the dirt or go outside and sit beneath a large tree, resting your back against the trunk. Spend time reflecting on all the ways you are supported like nature.

3. Sing the word “grow”, holding out the “oh” sound as long as your breath allows. The word grow provides the proper vowel sound and has meaning related to the First Chakra. As you hold out the “oh” sound, bring your attention to the base of your spine and feel it vibrating and glowing red, sending life and health to your entire lower body.

4. Do the “Mudra Lock” breath. From any sitting position, inhale deeply into your lower belly. Now hold the breath in and tightly squeeze everything from your navel to your buttocks. Hold the squeeze for a few counts. Exhale, and with the breath held out, repeat the squeezing and holding for another few counts. As you are squeezing, try to feel the energy rising up your spine and reaching the crown of your head.

Perform the “Seated Pelvic Rotation” yoga asana below:

 

Sit in a cross-legged position and grab your knees with your hands. Slowly rotate your hips and waist in a clockwise circle. Imagine that your navel is tracing as wide a circle around your seated center position as possible.

Use your arms as leverage (as shown by figures 2 and 3). Keep the movement slow and steady, breathing naturally but without trying to synchronize your breath with your movement. Breathe through your nose if you can.

Continue this clockwise movement for twenty to thirty seconds. Now reverse the direction and begin in a counter clockwise direction, for another twenty to thirty seconds.

15 Things You Should Give Up To Be Happy

Here is a list of 15 things, which, if you give up on them, will make your life a lot easier and you’ll feel much, much happier. We hold on to so many things that cause us a great deal of pain, stress and suffering – and instead of letting them all go and allowing ourselves to be stress-free and happy, we cling on to them.
Well, not anymore. Starting today, we will give up on all those things that no longer serve us, and we will embrace change. Ready? Here we go!
1. Give up your need to always be right. There are so many of us who can’t stand the idea of being wrong – wanting to always be right – even at the risk of ending great relationships or causing a great deal of stress and pain for us and for others. It’s just not worth it. Whenever you feel the “urgent” need to jump into a fight over who is right and who is wrong, ask yourself this question from Dr. Wayne Dyer: “Would I rather be right, or would I rather be kind?” What difference will that make? Is your ego really that big?
2. Give up your need for control. Be willing to give up your need to always control everything that happens to you and around you – situations, events, people, etc. Whether they are loved ones, co-workers, or just strangers you meet on the street – just allow them to be. Allow everything and everyone to be just as they are and you will see how much better will that make you feel.

“By letting it go, it all gets done. The world is won by those who let it go. But when you try and try. The world is beyond winning.” Lao Tzu

3. Give up on blame. Give up on your need to blame others for what you have or don’t have, for what you feel or don’t feel. Stop giving your powers away and start taking responsibility for your life.
4. Give up your self-defeating self-talk. Oh my. How many people are hurting themselves because of their negative, polluted and repetitive self-defeating mindset? Don’t believe everything that your mind is telling you – especially if it’s negative and self-defeating. You are better than that.

 “The mind is a superb instrument if used rightly. Used wrongly, however, it becomes very destructive.” Eckhart Tolle

5. Give up your limiting beliefs about what you can or cannot do, about what is possible or impossible. From now on, you are no longer going to allow your limiting beliefs to keep you stuck in the wrong place. Spread your wings and fly!

“A belief is not an idea held by the mind, it is an idea that holds the mind.” Elly Roselle

6. Give up complaining. Give up your constant need to complain about those many, many, maaany things – people, situations and events that make you unhappy, sad and depressed. Nobody can make you unhappy, no situation can make you sad or miserable unless you allow it to. It’s not the situation that triggers those feelings in you, but how you choose to look at it. Never underestimate the power of positive thinking.
7. Give up the luxury of criticism. Give up your need to criticize things, events or people that are different than you. We are all different, yet we are all the same. We all want to be happy, we all want to love and be loved and we all want to be understood. We all want something, and something is wished by us all.
8. Give up your need to impress others. Stop trying so hard to be something that you’re not just to make others like you. It doesn’t work this way. The moment you stop trying so hard to be something that you’re not, the moment you take of all your masks, the moment you accept and embrace the real you, you will find people will be drawn to you, effortlessly.
9. Give up your resistance to change. Change is good. Change will help you move from A to B. Change will help you make improvements in your life and also the lives of those around you. Follow your bliss, embrace change – don’t resist it.

“Follow your bliss and the universe will open doors for you where there were only walls.” Joseph Campbell

10. Give up labels. Stop labeling the things, people or events that you don’t understand as being weird or different and try opening your mind, little by little. Minds only work when open.

“The highest form of ignorance is when you reject something you don’t know anything about.” Dr. Wayne Dyer

11. Give up on your fears. Fear is just an illusion, it doesn’t exist – you created it. It’s all in your mind. Correct the inside and the outside will fall into place.

“The only thing we have to fear, is fear itself.” Franklin D. Roosevelt

12. Give up your excuses. Send them packing and tell them they’re fired. You no longer need them. A lot of times we limit ourselves because of the many excuses we use. Instead of growing and working on improving ourselves and our lives, we get stuck and lie to ourselves, using all kind of excuses – excuses that 99.9% of the time, are not even real.
13. Give up the past. I know, I know. This one’s hard. Especially when the past looks so much better than the present and the future looks so frightening. But, you have to take into consideration the fact that the present moment is all you have and all you will ever have. The past you are now longing for – the past that you are now dreaming about – was ignored by you when it was present. Stop deluding yourself. Be present in everything you do and enjoy life. After all, life is a journey not a destination. Have a clear vision for the future, prepare yourself, but always be present in the now.
14. Give up attachment. This is a concept that, for most of us, is so hard to grasp and I have to tell you that it was for me too (it still is), but it’s not impossible. You get better and better at it with time and practice. The moment you detach yourself from all things (and that doesn’t mean you give up your love for them – because love and attachment have nothing to do with one another. Attachment comes from a place of fear, while love… well, real love is pure, kind, and selfless; where there is love there can’t be fear, and because of that, attachment and love cannot co-exist) you become so peaceful, so tolerant, so kind, and so serene. You will get to a place where you will be able to understand all things without even trying. A state beyond words.
15. Give up living your life to other people’s expectations. Way too many people are living a life that is not theirs to live. They live their lives according to what others think is best for them; they live their lives according to what their parents think is best for them; to what their friends, their enemies and their teachers, their government and the media think is best for them. They ignore their inner voice, that inner calling. They are so busy with pleasing everybody, with living up to other people’s expectations, that they lose control over their lives. They forget what makes them happy, what they want, what they need… and eventually, they forget about themselves.  You have one life – this one right now – you must live it, own it, and especially don’t let other people’s opinions distract you from your path