How to Deal With Manipulative People–Part Two

By Ryan Murdoch

In Part One of this article I introduced you to a personality type I call The Manipulator: a covert operator who imposes on your time and resources to serve his or her own ends. If you didn't read Part One I strongly advise you to have a look here.

Today I'm going to tell you exactly how to smoke out these sneaky time stealers.

How to Spot a Manipulator

Here are some common warning signs that will help you spot the manipulators in your life:

– Manipulators use a lot of "I" focused language. "I need you to do this" or "It would really help me if you did this." They rarely consider how to give value back to the person they're asking for favors.

– Manipulators use a collective "we" that really means "I."Try translating what they just said by substituting "I" for "we". If all the benefits that will supposedly help the group, team or community really end up profiting that person alone, you've just spotted an attempt to manipulate you.

– Manipulators "size you up" to assess where you're vulnerable. They use this to determine which tactics to use against you. Strong work ethic? You can be manipulated through your sense of duty. Empathetic? They can make you feel sorry for them. Intensely loyal? They'll use that sense of friendship to their advantage. Just remember, the problem is NOT that you're loyal, caring or a hard worker. The problem is the person who uses that to manipulate your thoughts and actions. Most people don't stop to think that their strengths can also be a weakness. But your strengths and values can be used against you because they make your behavior predictable.

– Manipulators make a big show of talking about how dedicated they are to serving others. According to George K. Simon, author of In Sheep's Clothing, they use the "servant role" to cloak a self–serving agenda in the guise of service to a more noble cause, for example acting in a certain way out of "obedience" and "service" to some authority figure. I've known a few incredibly genuine, spiritual, charitable people in my time. They spoke at great length about those they wanted to help, the needs they were trying to meet, the good works they hoped to do and the resources it would take to accomplish their vision. But I never once heard them talk about themselves or how devoted they were to "service."

– Manipulators often make a great show of their humility, and they take any opportunity to remind you of it. This makes them look harmless, and like they're "only trying to help." Have you ever heard the Dalai Lama talk about how humble he is? Me neither.

– The frustrated Manipulator often drags a history of drama in their wake: broken friendships, failed partnerships, stories of sabotaged projects and detractors lashing out at them from every dark corner. They love to tell you all about these things, sorrowfully and with a pious expression, in order to play on your sympathy. And despite the obvious pattern in these incidents, Manipulators never take responsibility for their behavior. It is never their fault. Someone has always betrayed or taken advantage of them.

– Manipulators rationalize. Their explanations seem to make sense. And you want to believe, because honest people want to believe that others are honest too. But their story never holds up upon further reflection. Up close, it's filled with obvious inconsistencies and holes.

– Manipulators flatter you. They pretend to like the same things you do. To believe the same things you believe. To hold the same values. They ingratiate themselves very subtlety in an effort to win your loyalty, so you'll want to help them. Watch them with a totally different group of people and see them do the same thing. They have a history of swapping beliefs and convictions the way hikers change socks.

– Manipulators make a point of telling you how honest they are–right before they rake you over. Honest people don't need to drone on about their virtues. Their actions and integrity speaks for itself.

This list is not exhaustive, of course. And not every red flag will be present in each case. But it does send a clear warning. If you encounter any of these behaviors, be on your guard.

How to Protect Yourself–And Your Dreams

Unfortunately there's no easy answer to this. Expert manipulators are good at pressing your buttons, and if you have even a shred of compassion you won't be impervious to every form of guilt.

In a work setting, I think the key is to set clear priorities and goals–and stick to them. Master the phrase "I'm not available right now." Defend your territory from the beginning, because once you give in it sends a message that you can be worn down. If you answer the phone on the 15th ring, it doesn't send the message that you're busy and don't want to be bothered. The Manipulator interprets this as "It takes 15 rings to get him to answer."

You must also be very clear about your own personal values.Think about them. Write them down. Stick to them. Having a clearly thought out code of conduct makes on–the–spot decisions much easier. If something conflicts with your code or your purpose, don't do it.

And that brings us to the next defense. Learn how to say "no."It's healthy to have boundaries and to know what you stand for. If you feel bad about turning someone down, you're a prime target for a manipulative personality. Remember: "I'm already committed, I'm not available right now." Manipulators have no power over you unless you give it to them.

Don't engage, and don't explain. The manipulator will try to call your values into question and put you on the defensive. You have no need to defend yourself, and you've done nothing wrong. You're free to follow whatever path you choose. Don't forget this when the pressure is on.

And what about those manipulators who operate closer to home?

It's a lot more difficult to set clear boundaries when it comes to close personal relationships, because you can't remove yourself from the situation or just stop interacting with them. In my experience, the best thing you can do is communicate your intentions clearly and firmly. And then stay true to your word. You'll have to ride out some flack regardless, but the Passive–Aggressive Manipulator will move on to easier targets if you consistently stick to your guns.

Above all, never feel guilty when dealing with these people.You never have to apologize for following your dreams and working hard on your goals. You never have to make excuses or justify your decision when you say "no". And you should never feel bad for refusing to drop or postpone your most cherished dream to contribute to someone else's purpose.

And that's what it comes down to in the end. Your best protection against guilt is having a clear, strong sense of your purpose.

I remind myself each day that life is short. That I have only a limited amount of time in which to fulfill my dreams. That time spent on other things is time taken away from the fulfillment of my purpose. I take full responsibility for my life, my choices, and my success. And I keep my eye on the road ahead, and get back to work

The Manipulator-

 Ryan Murdoch has very aptly said: I'm sure you've encountered this character before. Not content to pursue their own path while you pursue yours, The Manipulator imposes on your time and resources to serve their own ends. They co-opt your labor, play on your emotions and try to impose their worldview and philosophy on you.

We'll look at several common examples of The Manipulator. And I'll give you a few strategies you can use to keep them out of your life.

So who are these shadowy figures that hide in plain sight?

If you've ever worked in a company or an office, you know the type. It starts with "I need to talk to you. It won't take long." And it usually concludes with an "urgent" request for you to do something to help them out. Something that imposes on your time, that takes you away from your own work, that they need you to do right now, and that adds a burden while giving you nothing in return.

This is not the same as asking a favor of a friend. We help our friends out of a genuine desire to do something good for that person. And when we ask a friend for help, we're reaching out to someone we know is looking out for our best interests. It's mutual and it's genuine.

The Manipulator's "requests" are very different from this. They involve coercion. And with The Manipulator, if you give in you send a signal that you're willing to do more of the same.

Before you know it, you're working weekends and staying after hours, putting in time to further someone else's agenda while totally neglecting your own purpose and goals. Step by step, these people take over your life. You're especially at risk if you have a strong work ethic and sense of responsibility, or if you hate seeing work left undone.

Another major area where manipulation has been raised to an art form is, of course, the family. I'm not suggesting that all families involve such power struggles, of course. It's just a typical pattern when things go wrong.

The family is often the realm of the Passive-Aggressive Manipulator. This type masters such tactics as The Sulk, The Huff, and above all, Poor Me.

They browbeat you into submission by making it easier for you to give in to their demands than put up with their constant level of low-grade psychological warfare.

If you've ever heard a phrase like, "I'll never have any grandchildren and I'm gonna die alone!" then you've seen this tactic at work. Or how about, "If you loved me you wouldn't make such a big deal of helping me with this" —immediately placing refusal on the side of not loving or caring about this person. Okay, the first example was a bit of a joke and an imitation of my mother at Christmas dinner. But how many unhappy couples have you seen playing out some variation of the second example?

Unfortunately, there's no arguing or reasoning with a Passive-Aggressive Manipulator. They don't respond to logic, and they change sides and arguments at the drop of a hat. Their chief goal is to get you embroiled in conflict in the first place. Swallow your reply, nod politely, and go about your work. Oh, and good music and headphones help to block out the huffs ;)

There are other types of Manipulator too, but they all have a few things in common. They use emotion to lure you in. They play on your sense of obligation or duty. They're experts at guilt. And they all have an agenda that involves you doing something for them. Once they've drawn you into their world, it's very difficult to put things in perspective and see the relationship for what it is.

If you're reading Early to Rise, then you don't have time to waste on these sorts of games. You've got dreams to fulfill, projects to complete, and exciting visions to bring to reality. And unlike the manipulators, you're doing it through the sweat of your own brow–and with the help of others who pitch in because you're adding value to their lives.

So how do you smoke out these sneaky time wasters?

I'll tell you exactly how to spot The Manipulator in Part Two. And I'll give you a set of strategies you can use to protect yourself and your business. Stay tuned... 

Children learn what they live

If a child lives with criticism,

he learns to condemn.

 

If a child lives with hostility,

she learns to fight.
 

If a child lives with ridicule,

he learns to be shy.

 

If a child lives with shame,

she learns to feel guilty.
 

If a child lives with tolerance,

he learns to be patient.

 

If a child lives with encouragement,

she learns confidence.
 

If a child lives with security,

he learns to have faith.

 

If a child lives with approval,

she learns to like herself.
 

If a child lives with acceptance and friendship,

he learns to find love in the world.

 

Sadly, in our society our children

can face ridicule instead of approval,

bullying instead of friendship,

or critisism instead of encouragement.

 

That's why its so important for us parents

to provide a home where our little ones

can thrive and develop these positive attitudes,that is If you really want to teach your child

to feel good about themself, to be confident, to be patient, to trust and respect you,

and to find love and happiness in life,

3 ‘Ego Traps’ by Aine Belton

March 25, 2012

By Aine Belton

1. Perfectionism

Perfectionism is the illusory holy grail of the ego.

When you strive to be perfect you will always end up feeling like a failure. However well you do, however much you achieve or attain, it will never feel like ‘enough’ because it will never be perfect, and hence will never quench the insatiable appetite of perfectionism. Instead, you are left feeling hollow and that you have somehow fallen short.

Perfectionism blinds you to your inherent worth and value, diminishing positives whilst over emphasizing negatives.

You spot what’s wrong, what’s not perfect, yet fail to see the assets, achievements, value, gifts, and beauty that’s there.

Perfectionism keeps you separate from love, acceptance and appreciation. It creates unattainable standards and expectations and offers no fruits in return, being devoid of feelings of success, triumph, celebration, and so on.

The futile quest for perfectionism is a compensation for a belief that who you are is not enough. Seeking perfection is an attempt to rid feelings of inadequacy, shame and valuelessness, yet sadly it only compounds these.

If you are trying to be perfect you will not be able to love yourself as who you are right now.

It’s not about being perfect, it’s about being YOU.

The more you love and accept yourself just as you are, the more easily you will let go of what you are not and experience your true wondrous nature.

Perfectionism can also be paralysing because you become overly concerned about your performance, choices even, out of a fear of them being wrong by being ‘imperfect’.

Excellence is worth striving for. Perfectionism, on the other  hand, is an ego trap. It is linked to higher levels of fear, control, feelings of inadequacy, and a lack of self-acceptance.

2. Judgment

When you judge yourself you are condemning yourself for your mistakes, flaws, weaknesses, or failings. Same goes with others.

We all have opinions, view points and perspectives that we are entitled to hold, of course. Being judgmental is a different energy, and is essentially about making you or someone wrong. Judgments hurt. With regard to judging yourself, the worse you feel about yourself the less likely you are to heal, change and experience your loving true nature. Same goes with others.

When you accept yourself as who you are, however, you more easily let go of what you’re not.

Judgment compounds that which is judged (in yourself or others) and keeps you bound and captive to those traits, keeping alive mistakes and failures.

Love, understanding, compassion and forgiveness, conversely, enable you to let go of and move beyond that which you are not, and that which is un-serving – be that thoughts and feelings, beliefs, hurts, fears, or people and situations in your life.

The more you love yourself unconditionally, the more your world will reflect that in happy positive realities and successes. Let go of self-judgment and choose to accept and appreciate yourself instead and see how your world positively transforms by that alone. You may need to start by giving yourself permission to do so, permission to love yourself.

If feel other people judge you or are hard on you, look at how you may be judging yourself. If you are punishing and criticising yourself in your mind or through sabotaging situations and behaviour, know your negative ego is at play, not your higher self.

We all make mistakes. Forgiveness is the way through and allows a new day, cleansing and refreshing you and your world.

3. Guilt

Guilt is a form of self-punishment. When you feel guilty you are stuck in a self-defeating swamp, your ‘magnetising potential’ for attracting positivity greatly diminishes, and you are likely to repel if not sabotage success.

Guilt invites punishment and victim scenarios, for if you do not punish yourself for the guilt you feel, consciously or otherwise, you may attract that punishment that you subconsciously feel in another form by way of people and circumstances you attract.

Guilt has no redeeming features. When you feel guilty you do not serve the one you feel guilty towards, or yourself, in any way. It is certainly not noble, though many, sadly, believe that it is. Guilt can also be arrogant, making everything about you and the impact you have, very often as an extension of feeling overly responsible for others.

Guilt keeps you stuck in the past and held back from correcting the ‘mistake’ and moving on. Furthermore, the guiltier someone feels, ironically the more likely the may be to re-do or re-live the behaviour they feel guilty about, because the worse someone feels and the more they believe they are ‘bad’ and ‘wrong’ the more their behaviour may reflect that.

Guilt can also lead you to resenting the person or situation you feel guilty towards, which doesn’t serve them or you either. Instead of feeling guilty, acknowledge, forgive yourself, embrace any learnings, and step into the new – wiser, more loving and responsible than before.

We all make mistakes. It’s part of being human. Guilt is an ego trap that leads to self-punishment and keeps you from loving yourself, which also diminishes your ability to love others. Being aware of that in itself can help you nip it in the bud.

Your upbringing may have instilled feelings of guilt, perhaps even guilt about being alive (though this may not be conscious), and religions can also generate feelings of guilt with ‘right-wrong’ dichotomies.

I believe you can make a choice not to feel guilty. Give yourself permission to stop it. You can care, love, be responsible and act from your conscience without guilt, in fact, more so without it.

http://globalloveproject.com/2012/03/3-ego-traps/

Do Not Tell The World

It's important to share your vision and goals with positive people who will support you. However, when it comes to what you are working on, sometimes it is better to show the world, rather than telling the world. Robert Ringer explains today.

Craig Ballantyne

"You see, in life, lots of people know what to do, but few people actually do what they know. Knowing is not enough! You must take action." – Anthony Robbins

---

Zip the Lip

By Robert Ringer

As I watch the daily news, I am constantly reminded that an oversized ego can be the biggest obstacle to long-term success. Of course, everyone has an ego, so it's pointless to delude yourself into believing you're an exception. It's far better to acknowledge the existence of your ego and try to keep it under control.

A hungry ego is like a dinosaur lying on your front lawn. If you don't continually feed it, it might just decide to get up and step on your house. At its extreme, a bloated ego can even result in Egoruptcy, a form of bankruptcy caused by the investment of too much time and capital in one's vanity.

It's also wise to avoid becoming involved with others who appear to be afflicted with this insidious disease. Feeding the ego is habit forming and can lead the addict to commit dishonest acts in his desperation to feed his habit. And when he goes down for the count, he's liable to take you with him.

Following are some telltale signs of an individual suffering from Egoruptcy.

1. Trying to impress others with how well he's doing. (The more someone volunteers to tell you about his accomplishments, the less likely it is that he's accomplished much of anything.)
2. Constantly mouthing off about the deals he's working on.
3. Lavishly refurbishing his offices.
4. Talking incessantly about what he owns.
5. Talking incessantly about who he knows.

When most or all of the above signs are evident, the Egoruptcy clearly is in its advanced stages and the patient's condition has probably deteriorated beyond hope. Best you shield your face when passing him to avoid becoming infected.

How can you tell if you are developing Early Onset Egoruptcy? The most common symptom is perpetual movement of the mouth and tongue, especially when triggered by the desire to tell others about your plans.

Some years ago, I developed what I believe to be the perfect antidote to this constant, ego-feeding babbling. I refer to it simply as the Zip-the-Lip Theory, which states: If you've got something good going, shut up!

Put more gently: Learn to be both quiet and patient. The safest way to operate is behind the scenes with a low profile. There's seldom anything to be gained by giving the world advance notice of your objectives. How many times have you jumped the gun and talked about your plans, only to be embarrassed when they fell through?

If you manage to achieve your desired end, people will know about it soon enough. You may even gain a reputation for being humble as a result of not shooting off your mouth about what you're working on. Always remember, people love humility and hate arrogance.

The next time you're tempted to make a premature announcement to the world, remember that Old Man Murphy (of Murphy's Law fame) is out there somewhere, lying in wait to trip you up. It's simply not worth the risk of having a bunch of neurotics jealously gnashing their teeth and doing everything possible to see to it that you end up dining on your own words some fine evening.

The best way to let others know what you're going to do is to actually do it. The more confident you are about what you intend to accomplish, the less reason you'll have to risk putting your foot in your mouth. Your ego will be more than sufficiently assuaged, massaged, and patted after you have succeeded.

And the more you succeed, the more reason you'll have to feel secure, which should result in your having less of an urge to talk about your plans and more of a desire to produce results. Getting your ego out of the way gives you a clear mind to focus on success.

Granted, it can be difficult to suppress the instant-gratification urge to be highly thought of. But there's a big difference betweendifficult and impossible. No one can force you to do the wrong thing. Remember, the choice is always yours. A lot of things are difficult but not impossible. You always have a choice.

As retired Lieutenant Colonel Frank Slade (played by Al Pacino) put it in the film classic Scent of a Woman, "I always knew what the right path was. Without exception, I knew. But I never took it. You know why? It was too damn hard." Translation: You always have a choice.

What is your choice when it comes to instant ego gratification versus long-term success?

Live Like You Were Dying

I Admit It

I admit it. I like country music. There, I've said it. It's now all over the Internet.

Here's why I like it. Once a month I spend the weekend writing in the comfort of my Mom's kitchen out on the farm where she still lives (41 years and counting). While I write, she has the radio tuned to country music as she cooks up a storm and entertains my dog. Sure, country music is often ridiculously sappy and clichéd, but sometimes it hits the spot, too. It certainly fits the memory I want to share with you today.

Craig Ballantyne

"Recognize your highest calling as early as possible in life". – Frank McKinney

---

By Craig Ballantyne

"And I loved deeper and I spoke sweeter,
"And I gave forgiveness I'd been denying."
An' he said: "Some day, I hope you get the chance,
"To live like you were dyin'."
Tim McGraw

It was an odd place for such a deep conversation. I ran into my friend Rob in the hallway at a large Internet Marketing seminar. "Hey Rob," I greeted him with enthusiasm, "It's been a long time."

"Craig," he replied with hesitation, "I'm sorry I haven't been in touch lately, but my mother passed away."

"Oh Rob, I'm sorry to hear that," I replied sincerely as we sat down amidst the hustle and bustle of seminar attendees.

"Thank you. I appreciate it," he replied. "You know, seeing you write about your dad in your email newsletters really helped."

I nodded and thanked him. Back in 2009, the year after my father passed away, I wrote a series of 'personal notes' that I shared with my fitness readers. These included the many lessons I learned from my old man (mostly by watching him and learning what not to do – a topic for another day, perhaps).

As Rob and I continued our conversation, he said something that brought back vivid memories of the final day I spent with my father, one that reminds me to make the most of today.

"It was the strangest thing," Rob started to describe, "When my mom was in the hospital those last days, she hardly recognized anyone. Then one day, she sat up and we had this really great conversation, as if everything was fine. The next day, she passed away."

His story hit me hard. I had the exact same experience with my father.

On a beautiful sunny Saturday morning, September 6, 2008, to be exact, my father, who was very sick with cancer, wanted to go for a drive. That's how we had spent most of our time together in the last 18 months after he was first diagnosed with his illness. We'd hop in his truck, and I'd drive him around through the countryside to "check out the corn" or to visit his old buddies.

About a month before this sunny September drive my dad had been rushed to the hospital with severe abdominal pain. He and I rarely spoke about his illness, and frankly I don't think he ever accepted that he was dying, but I talked to his doctor who said my dad might be able to make it to Christmas. That was my expectation as we set out on our drive that late summer morning.

It turned out that Dad was in great spirits that day. He was moving better than he had been in weeks. This gave me a false sense of hope that he had turned the corner with his recent struggles and that he'd be this way for weeks.

Our first stop that morning was at a cousin's house to check out their new barn, and then we visited a gentleman who often sold my dad tractors. (That was my father's hobby, collecting and restoring old tractors.)

It was one of the best Saturday mornings of my life, and my optimism increased for a fall filled with similar drives through the countryside. We finished off with a trip to the local burger drive-in where my dad wanted to pick up a couple of milkshakes (that's about all he could tolerate eating at this stage).

Once we arrived home, he went to lie down, and I went out to the mall to buy him a new TV. I had my eye on a nice big 40-inch flat screen that would keep him entertained throughout the night when he couldn't sleep.

When I arrived home with his gift, his condition had already started to change. He wasn't really in the mood to watch TV and just wanted to sleep. That was fine, and we agreed upon another drive in the morning.

But he never did get a chance to use the new television set.

The next morning he woke up at 6am with severe abdominal pain. I brought him to the hospital where he was admitted, rushed to intensive care and placed on mind-fogging pain medications. We never did have another comprehensible conversation after that, and he passed away just two days later. Fortunately, my mother was able to get in contact me with at my home in Toronto, and I raced back to the hospital with fifteen minutes to spare so I could see my father one more time.

During the subsequent funeral home visitation for my father, I recounted this story over and over again to those who came to pay their respects.

My aunt nodded her head and explained this 'great day phenomenon' is a common occurrence. For some reason, many terminally ill people have a short-term revitalization for a day just before death.

They perk up, they move with ease unknown to them for months. They are alert, even chipper. They give optimism to their friends and family, and one more chance to visit with the person everyone used to know.

They lived like they were dying.

They took advantage of whatever the source of energy it is to give everyone one last memory. They gave one last glimpse of all the great days that had come before.

It happened for my friend Rob with his mother, and it happened on that sunny Saturday in September for me.

Whatever the source of my father's vitality that day, it gave me one last important memory to hold onto – to remember what really matters in life.

Listen, I hope you're in the greatest of health, but I also hope that you are taking time for what really matters in your life.

Our minutes are not best spent surfing over to another news website, or watching another television show, or arguing on the Internet.

How we spend our time is the most important decision we will make in our lives. What we do with each minute of every day determines our legacy, what our children will remember, and what we will leave behind.

Live every day with purpose. Live every day according to your mission and your plan. Have a vision for what you want to accomplish, and act in congruence with it.

Love deeper, speak sweeter, and give the forgiveness you've been denying.

Live passionately, live honestly, and live the best life that you can.

You Can Start Right Now

The first day of spring (here in North America) brings another opportunity for people to look forward to positive change. If you haven't set your goals for 2012, or if you have but are struggling, please read this classic essay from Michael Masterson to get you started on your journey.
Craig Ballantyne
"If you don't design your own life plan, chances are you'll fall into someone else's plan. And guess what they have planned for you? Not much." - Jim Rohn

One More Thing Before Setting Your Long-Term Goals: Figure Out Your Core Values

By Michael Masterson
Before you can jump feet first into master planning your life, you have one more job to do: Figure out what's really important to you.
Most people you meet on the street don't like their jobs, are unhappy with their family life, and want more money. They believe that if they could just do this or that, everything would be better.
Winning the lottery would make it all okay. At least that's what they think. But the truth is otherwise. Unless you live your life according to your core values, no success will be enough to bring you joy.
So before you attempt to set your goals, you have to spend 15 minutes figuring out your core values. What do I mean by core values? I mean the feelings you have about good and evil that are buried deep within your heart.
What does goal setting have to do with core values? It's all about insuring your long-term happiness. If you set goals that contradict your core values, you will wake up one day and say, "I did everything I said I wanted to do. But so what?"
You don't want to end up being yet another highly successful but fundamentally miserable person – a fate so common it's become a cliche. Here's how to make sure that doesn't happen...
Begin by imagining a funeral. It is taking place in an elegantly appointed room. The room is full of friends and family members who have assembled to talk about the deceased. You look around. You begin to recognize faces. "Who is the deceased?" you wonder. You look at the casket. Good God, it's you!
So what are the people at your funeral saying about you?
Imagine specific people: a parent, a sibling, a neighbor, a business associate, and even a stranger. Don't be vague about this. Think about individual, real people. And imagine them making very specific statements.
It's not enough to imagine your nephew saying something like, "She was a generous woman." You need to imagine a second, qualifying sentence, such as, "She always sent me expensive birthday presents."
And be honest. Don't sugarcoat the pill. Say it like it is. For example, your next door neighbor might be saying, "I thought he was a very inconsiderate person. He never picked up the mess when his dog crapped on my lawn."
Imagine everything the people at your funeral could truthfully say about you – and then think about the way their words make you feel.
If you don't feel good, it means that, in those relationships at least, you are not living your life according to your core values.
Now, for every negative statement you just imagined, ask yourself, "What would I like this person to be saying about me?" The answer to that question will reveal your core values for that particular relationship.
The goal of this exercise is to create a set of about a dozen sentences. Each sentence will be a statement that indicates what you think is important in a particular area of your life.
Let's say you imagined someone saying, "He was always struggling to make ends meet." That statement would make you feel bad, right? So then you imagine what you would like that person to say about you, and you might come up with, "He struggled for a while and then everything changed. He became very successful and died a wealthy person." If that statement makes you feel good, it's reasonable to say that acquiring wealth is a core value for you. And you would write it down like this: "I believe that financial success is a valuable and admirable accomplishment."
Got it?
Negative Statement: "He was always struggling to make ends meet."
Positive Statement: "He struggled for a while and then everything changed. He became very successful and died a wealthy person."
Core Value: "I believe that financial success is a valuable and admirable accomplishment."
I recommend that you shoot for about a dozen statements, because you want to address all the major areas of your life:
Your health values
Your wealth values
Your self-improvement (personal) values
Your social happiness values
Why?
Because your core values should determine your goals. And your goals have to be comprehensive.
Most goal-setting programs are not comprehensive. They focus on just one thing. Making more money. Or losing weight. Or being happy (whatever that means). Setting such singular goals can sometimes be effective if you have the flexibility in your schedule to focus on them. But most people don't. And that creates a problem. They start out enthusiastically and make progress for a while. But before long, life's many urgencies push their way in. Good habits are neglected. Bad habits return. Before long, the goal is abandoned.
You are going to avoid that very common problem by considering the full spectrum of your life – not just your health or your wealth but also your hobbies, personal relations, social obligations, and so on.
Here's what you should do now:
Take out a piece of paper and divide it into four boxes.
At the top of those boxes, write Health, Wealth, Self-Improvement, and Social Happiness.
Inside each box, write down statements in that category that you would like to have said about you at your funeral.
For example...
Under Health:
"He was the fittest 80-year-old I ever saw."
"He could run a mile in eight minutes."
"I once saw him lift up a car by its bumper."
Under Wealth:
"Of all the people who graduated from Riverdale High School in 1972, she turned out to be the wealthiest."
"She had a huge mansion in Laguna Beach."
"She left $4 million to charity when she died."
Under Self-Improvement:
"He was the best chess player I ever knew."
"He was also a published poet."
"He knew more about home decorating than Martha Stewart."
Under Social Happiness:
"She was the world's kindest mom."
"She was also a very generous friend."
"She was a strong supporter of breast cancer research."
Write down at least two such statements in each of the four categories. The purpose of writing them down is twofold: to fix them in your mind, and to have something specific you can refer to later.
You will be referring to these core values many times in the coming years. They should be a source of continuous inspiration. Treat them seriously. They are the crux of your master plan.

Start Taking Conscious Risks

http://www.guyfinley.org/free-content/writings/special-lessons/4688?src=KL&lyid=147000488&klsid=sid0000_KL

A spiritual risk is any action we will take based on our willingness to challenge our own certainty that our present state of consciousness represents the full measure of life's possibility. Here is one simple example: Maybe we feel as though no one understands our situation or that no one is being sensitive to the pressure we're under. During these times most of us feel the strong need to complain to someone -- anyone (including ourselves) -- in order to win some sympathy. The conscious risk in this case is to give no voice to any complaints, either outwardly or inwardly.
Whenever we feel ourselves certain that we are a captive of something -- be it anything from a fear of proceeding with a wish we have, to that feeling of being inadequate to getting through a task at hand -- we remember in this same self-defining moment that this reality before our eyes is, at best, only a partial one. And then, as unthinkable as it seems to us in this same moment, as certain as we may feel that real freedom is beyond our reach, we make a conscious leap into the unknown.
Once we realize that our present view of self, a view that defines our reality, is a construct of a certain level of our own consciousness -- one that's convinced the limit of its present view is the limit of its possibility -- we also realize the need to leave this self-limited world behind us.
Knowing the makeup of this world we must abandon, we have but one choice: Let go of who we are sure we are and make a leap into something new. Our conscious choice is to discover what awaits us in an open-ended reality, instead of allowing ourselves to be grounded by a preconceived notion of who we are and what we can do.
Nothing can stop us from taking this leap into all that we may be, other than this mistaken and unconscious conviction we have of who we already are -- a mindset supported by the strange comfort we find in clinging to who we have been.
Find the places in your life where you can take these conscious, spiritual risks. The liberation you win will be the repeated discovery that the only thing holding you captive is yourself

Sticking Around For Greatness

By Jason Leister

I've spent a lot of time in my life looking for something "better."

When I was a musician, I was "looking" for something better in the business world.

When I was in the business world, I was "looking" for something better in the marketing world.

In each subject area, I'd work really hard at the beginning. I'd either have some good success or great success and then BAMO... the bottom would fall out.

The glitz and shine of the new would wear off, or maybe I'd just get bored.

Either way, the result was the same over and over: Things would start to get old and I'd start "looking" again.

I would always approach "greatness" or the start of it anyway, and then run over and start looking for another mountain to climb.

Maybe I was afraid of success, maybe I was afraid of criticism, I don't know. And it doesn't really matter.

The important lesson I (finally) learned is that operating like this is no way to live or run a business.

One, it's tiring as heck.

Two, it's kind of selfish. Because living like that keeps me from making the real breakthroughs in life. The ones that often require many, many days of what I used to consider monotony. Those are the breakthroughs that will really allow me to make an impact on the world.

Making an impact requires excellence. And that comes from doing stuff over and over.

I did that in the music world. I practiced my instrument a lot. Sometimes as much as four hours in a single day. I talk about it like it's a lot, but in the world of a professional musician, that's really nothing.

Whether I practiced 20 minutes or four hours, I wasn't mature enough at the time to continue doing the work when I got bored.

And I have to tell you, I got bored very often. But that's because I was "blind."

I couldn't see the work for what it was - a path to achieving something great for myself and others. Mainly for others.

Instead, I just saw the work as more work, and I didn't have the discipline to do it.

I've grown up a bit since those days.

Now I know that my "work" is developing the discipline to stick around and to keep doing my work.

I do the work even if it's easy. Especially if it's easy. It's easy because I'm good at it. It's easy because it's a gift. A gift I'm supposed to share. And I can always get better... closer to being EXCELLENT.

For me, I think this is the key to success:

Develop the focus and discipline to do the things I'm good at over and over. To become GREAT at them. Not in a robotic lifeless kind of way, but in a more methodical, deliberate and conscious way.

I'm betting that at the end of my life, I'm not going to look back and talk about how much money I made in such little time or anything like that.

But I do imagine that I'll probably look back on my life and ask myself just how many lives I changed and by how much.

So what does this have to do with business?

I think a lot of business owners do the same thing.

In the end, it's easy to devalue and skip over what comes easy for you. After all, there's no struggle in it. There's no "overcoming adversity" in it.

There's no big "I DID it" release when you get to the end.

That's the story line that plays out over and over again in the movies. Man overcomes all odds to achieve success.

That's just not how it happens most of the time. That's not real, it's just a story.

In my experience, "success" is far less exciting than I thought it was going to be.

It reminds me a bit of a business owner I know who told me about a really successful marketing campaign he did once... and then said something like, "Yeah, we never did it again."

Instead of looking for the "right work" my goal now is to do my work the "right way" for me.

And that is to do it like it matters. Because it does.

We're all on this earth to do something or be something. And we all have to figure out what that is.

I think it's easy for those of us that are afflicted with this syndrome called entrepreneurialism to always be striving... always searching for that thing that's going to give us "the rush."

A new marketing method, a new piece of software, a new cutting edge technique...

I know I'm guilty of it.

Instead of executing what I do well on a consistent basis, my focus was always on searching for the new and exciting.

Sure I could generate traffic, sales, clients, readers by sitting down every day and writing something valuable. But hey, did you hear about this new [insert marketing fad of the week]?

We get addicted to the climb instead of addicted to excellence.

Don't discount what you do well just because it's easy for you. Even if it seems too easy or unexciting.

You could be on your way to something great.

And that is what the world needs now more than ever. The world is waiting for you to discover your greatness.

Do your work. Over and over and over again

How to Experience New Inner Growth

 Your possibilities in this life for interior growth are as unlimited as is your willingness to consciously meet your limitations.

We are a peculiar race of beings. On one hand, each of us professes to be concerned with growing and self-developing while, on the other hand, none of us ever wants to be wrong. This is a paralyzing contradiction. If we are always right, or at least afraid of being wrong, what have we to learn? Couched in our hidden attitude is that we already know everything. This is a serious problem if we are at all serious in our quest for self-liberation since this higher freedom comes to us in direct proportion to what we are willing to learn about ourselves.

Learning is a correction process. Real correction, at any level, always purifies the matter and so leaves it less confused and thus in a higher state. Taking this beautiful idea one step further reveals to us the promise that self-elevation always follows self-correction. You may not as yet fully understand the implications of this powerful Inner Law, but it holds within it the promise of endless heights.

The whole idea of modifying ourselves, of slowly improving through time, is born out of our reluctance to be wrong. Perhaps this is why so few of us ever really learn to stop hurting ourselves. Let's take a moment and look at the difference between self-improvement and self-correction. With self-improvement we teach ourselves lessons of our choice based on what we think we need to learn in order to grow. Self-improvement teaches and confirms the process of self-addition where we acquire new knowledge, behaviors, and beliefs.

With self-correction we learn for ourselves that we have been teaching ourselves incorrectly. Seeing this allows us to let go of our incorrect thinking. As we experience the benefits of letting go of ourselves, vigorous new inner growth then takes place as naturally as it does for a young plant that has been moved from a shadowy place out into the sunlight. A new tree cannot grow in the shadow of an old one. Learning can only take place outside the shadow of pride. Anything that resists correction is a part of what is wrong.

No matter how it may feel or appear, all personal difficulties are born out of a lack of understanding. By trying to hide the problem from yourself, you shut the window on the possibility of looking into your current life-level, which is the only world where real correction can take place. This is why we must never hide anything from ourselves. Remember, once the problem is out of sight, so is the only possible solution.

Here are two higher guidelines for realizing real solutions:

1. If your intention is to go higher, then the detection of what is wrong within you is the correction.
2. If you see you are wrong, then at that instant you can give up being wrong.

Get Rid of 'em

You try to push them out of your head.
You try to get rid of them.
You don't want to believe them.
But they're so strong that they just spread.
And before you know it you're feeling negative and
doubt you'll ever succeed.
Then you give up and say: "what's the point?"
They're negative thoughts and negative beliefs.
They destroy any chance for success.
They don't help you and they just make you feel like there's no hope.
These negative thoughts tell you that you can't,
that you don't know how, that you're not good enough,
that you'll never succeed at anything.
At first you don't believe them.
But they spread like weeds and eventually you believe them.
Then life gets worse, a lot worse.
Sure you want more.
Yes you want a better life.
You may even think that you deserve it.
But then just as you start to think maybe I can...
Those negative thoughts creep back in and force you to give up.
Well it doesn't have to be that way.
You can turn things around.

Getting rid of those negative thoughts is a top priority.
No matter what you do, what you try, what books you read
you won't create the success or changes you want until you
get rid of those negative thoughts.
Now you won't be able to get rid of all your negative thoughts.
So get rid of the negative thoughts that don't allow you to succeed.
Any thought that says you can't or don't know how needs to be
changed or eliminated.
At first this won't be easy.
Your mind will fight back.
It will insist on keeping those negative thoughts.
Then they'll get stronger.
That's because these thoughts and beliefs are
planted on your subconscious mind.
You can't just reach in and pluck them out
(like you do with weeds).
Instead, you have to re-direct the subconscious.
Give it new information.
Give it new thoughts and beliefs to follow.
So take a gentle approach and every time you catch yourself having a negative
thought change it.
Then give it some support, like why you can instead of why you can't.
For example: if you want to make more money but you get a thought that says: "I
can't make more money. I don't know how."
Replace those thoughts with something like: "I do know how to make more money, and I
can make more money."
Now comes the tricky part.
Give yourself reasons why you can make more money
or why you can achieve what you want.
At first you probably won't come up with answers.
If that happens - think back to when you earned your first dollar.
If you've ever earned a single dollar then you
know how to make money.
If you want to meet the right person then
think back to when you first met someone you
were interested in or your first relationship.
This is how you give your subconscious mind new directions.
When you keep giving yourself reasons you start to believe.
First you start to believe that maybe you can.
Then that belief gets stronger.
And when you start believe without a doubt that you can
that's when real changes happen - quickly.
Track your thoughts.
Get rid of the negative thoughts.
Create new positive thoughts.
Give yourself reasons to succeed.
Believe in yourself.
Continue to direct your subconscious and your inner powers.

Your thoughts and beliefs create your life.
What ever you think and believe you will see in your life.
Your subconscious and your inner powers follow your thoughts and
beliefs as instructions.
They bring you exactly what you think and believe.
When you think and believe that it's difficult to make money
then you will always get into situations that make it difficult
to make money.
If you think and believe that it's hard to meet the right person
then you will always have a hard time meeting the right person.
So get rid of the negative thoughts and beliefs.
Eliminate them.
Replace the negative thoughts and beliefs with positive
thoughts and beliefs.
Tell your subconscious and your inner powers to bring you
what you want so that you enjoy your life and
achieve the success you want today: